Tabula Rasa
by susan19
Summary: What might have happened in Tabula Rasa *s6e8 if Faith had arrived after the memory spell took effect
1. Chapter 1

Faith lay awake in her cell, staring at the ceiling. Trying to quiet her thoughts. For the past three days, she's had an increasingly urgent desire to leave prison. She always knew she could leave anytime she wanted, she just hadn't wanted to until now. After Buffy had died, she had felt great sadness and regret. Regret that she was never able to repair their relationship. While she still had enormous guilt, she had been feeling better about everything that had happened, understanding more of why she did the things she did. She just needed to find a way to earn Buffy's forgiveness. Now that Buffy had been resurrected, maybe this was her chance.

Rolling over on her side, she grinned and decided that tomorrow was the day. She'd escape prison and find a way to talk to Buffy, to show her that she had changed. If she had the time, she'd try apologizing to everyone else as well. The irony of escaping prison to prove she was a good person was not lost on Faith. She knew the absurdity of it, but still, she felt she had to do it.

Escaping would be easy, she already had it planned out. She could leap over the fence in the farthest corner of the yard and be into the woods before anyone noticed. Then she'd just have to count on luck to find some clothes and transportation to Sunnydale. It wouldn't be the first time she traveled with no resources. She'd just have to get back in time for count, and even if she didn't, she didn't care about getting a few more years added to her sentence. Repairing her relationship with Buffy was more important to her than any future for herself, she had never expected to have one anyway.

 **xxx xxx xxx**

Faith was crushed when she heard that Buffy had died. She wasn't quite sure what she felt about her resurrection, it's part of why she needed to come back and see everyone. She just hoped they wouldn't completely freak out and attack her. First, she'd have to find them all, which so far hasn't been going too well. She had no idea where anyone but Buffy lived, and no one was at the Summers' home when she checked there.

Wandering around the main street, she notices a magic shop. She went in thinking they might know Willow and help her locate the witch. When she entered, she was shocked to see the entire gang was there, and they were all lying on the floor, apparently unconscious. She was stunned to find that Spike was also there. "What the hell is going on?"

She rushed over to check on Buffy, she seemed to be breathing – that was a good sign. Faith lightly shook her to see if she'd wake up, but there was no change. She checked on all the others with the same result. A little surprised to find Willow and Xander looking so cozy, especially with Tara also being in the room. She looked around the shop for any indication of what might have happened, but she was never really into the magical side of things – so had no idea what to look for.

She opted to lock the shop's door, just to be sure there were no more surprises. She paced around the space trying to think of what to do. She tried being a little more aggressive with trying to wake Spike up– figuring no one would mind if he were bruised up a bit. She shook him aggressively and tried smacking him across the face. Nothing seemed to be working.

Finally, after two hours of pacing around and wondering what to do, they started to wake up.

"Don't freak out guys, I'm not here to hurt anyone."

"Um, that's good to know... who are you?" Willow replied.

"What? A chick goes away for a couple of years, and you forget all about her?" Faith smirks at the redhead, not understanding their confused looks.

"Err.. yeah... I'm not sure who any of you are. I'm not even sure who I am." Dawn says, backing away from everyone else. Buffy moved towards her protectively.

"It's okay. I don't think anyone here wants to hurt you." Buffy smiles at Dawn.

"So none of you have any idea who you are?" Faith asks in exasperation.

"No, it would appear not," Giles replies.

Faith sighs, her hands on her hips as she looks around the room. "This is a magic shop, there must be something here to get your memories back."

"Magic? As in real magic? There's no such thing as magic." Giles scoffs, wondering what he would be doing in a magic shop.

"Alright, listen. I have no idea what's going on – but you are Xander, Willow, Anya, Spike, Giles, Tara, Dawn, and Buffy." She goes around the room pointing at everyone. "And I am Faith."

"How do we know you're telling the truth? And what kind of name is Buffy? It sounds like you just made that up." Buffy pouts looking around at everyone for some support.

"Check your ids, you'll see that I'm right. And Dawn – your necklace."

Everyone but Buffy and Spike are able to confirm their names.

"That doesn't exactly prove anything," Buffy says. "You still could have done this to us!" Buffy doesn't know why, but she senses there is something otherworldly about Faith and something else she doesn't trust.

"What kind of name is Spike? My jacket says my name is Randy." Spike offers up pouting a little as he looks at the tag.

"Oh look! I own this store!" Anya calls out excitedly. She opens the register with her key and starts shuffling the money around. "And look, I'm engaged! This is so exciting!" She's holding up her hand, showing off her engagement ring.

Everyone turns to look at Anya but doesn't know what to say. They all wonder how she can be excited about anything at a time like this.

There is some commotion outside the front door. "Everyone, just be cool. I'll handle whatever is going on out there."

Faith goes up to the window in front of the store to see several vampires standing outside. She sighs and opens up the door. "Do you guys need something?"

"We're here to see Spike – he owes us." The larger of the group replies.

"I'm sure he does, but now really isn't a great time. You can leave now, or I can kill you." She shows that she has a stake and is ready to fight if needed.

"Why should we listen to you, you're just a girl. We're not afraid of you."

"You should be," she stakes the closest vamp before any of them have a chance to react.

"Slayer!" One of the vampires hisses.

"Why is the slayer protecting a vampire?" Another of the vampires asks as they all begin retreating slowly.

"Just get out of here, you can bother with Spike later."

"Our boss isn't going to be happy about this! We'll be back."

Faith watches them leave and sighs again. What the hell is going on in this town? Maybe she should just have turned Spike over, but she wasn't sure if he was important to whatever is going on. She shakes her head and goes back into the shop.

She can see the fear in everyone's eyes. They must have heard what she said. She can see them slowly inching away from her, except Buffy who stood her ground and seemed to be poised for a fight.

"Why did you threaten to kill those guys?" Willow asks, she's shaking a bit and retreating further into the room.

"I know this is wicked confusing for you all, but trust me. I'm not the bad guy here. They were going to hurt you, I had to scare them off." Faith is trying to stay as calm as possible, trying to keep her demeanor passive and non-threatening.

"They looked weird, what was wrong with their faces?" Dawn is cowering next to Buffy as she asks this.

Faith is torn, should she try to explain things to them? It seems like that will just make them more scared and upset. She needed a plan, and fast. "There's a lot I can't explain right now. It will all make sense once you remember who you are. For now, magic is real, vampires are real and so are a lot of other wicked nasty things." She watches as their eyes all pale in fear and confusion. "Willow, Tara – you are both witches, maybe you could take a look at some of those books and see if there are any memory spells?"

"Witches!" they both reply.

"Yeah... and not to freak you out more, but I'm pretty sure you're dating."

"But! She was all cuddled up next to me, and she's wearing my jacket!" Xander pouts.

"Not sure what the cuddling was about - but I'm thinking Anya is your fiance."

"Nice." He leers appreciatively at the blond behind the counter, who also seems pleased by this news.

The two witches looked at each other with confusion, but their eyes soften the longer they look. After a few moments, they look away, both blushing slightly. "I guess it can't hurt to check the books," Willow says quietly and heads off to the shelves.

"Hang on a minute. We have no idea what's going on here. If it is magic, maybe more magic isn't such a good idea." Giles calls out.

"There has to be something we can do. Maybe I should call Angel." She would have called him earlier, but she was afraid of how mad he would be that she escaped. Faith is pacing again, frustrated that there doesn't seem to be much of an answer. She came here to explain herself, but she can't do that if no one knows who they are. "It's not safe to stay here – those guys are going to come back. We need to get to Buffy's house. They won't be able to get to us in there."

"Why are you in charge?" Buffy starts to approach Faith somewhat aggressively.

"Because I'm the only one who knows who they are!" Faith is not in the mood to fight with the blonde slayer. She sighs, knowing she'll have to tell them all something to try to get them to trust her. She calms herself and hopes if she explains about slayers it will awaken something in Buffy. "You and I are special we sort of have super powers."

"What kind of super powers?" Buffy's eyes go wide with excitement. She had felt a weird tingle when those guys were at the door, maybe this is why.

"We're wicked fast and strong, and we have super healing. Our purpose is to protect the world from evil. We are known as vampire slayers." Faith knows there's a whole lot more to explain, but now doesn't seem to be the time.

Buffy pauses, taking all this information in. Not at all sure what to make of it. "Are we... friends?'

"That's complicated." Faith doesn't want to lie to Buffy, even if she won't know it's a lie until they get their memories back. "I want us to be friends."

Buffy narrows her eyes at this but doesn't reply. Still not sure what to believe.

"I bet there's a training room in this place. I can show you." Deciding to focus on the slayer part of the confusion and not the 'are we friends' part. Faith spots a door in the back and heads towards it. Opening the door, she is relieved to see the training area is here as she'd hoped. "Take this staff and attack me with it." Faith says, handing Buffy a staff while grabbing her own. She moves to a battle ready position and waits.

Buffy looks down at the weapon in her hands. Feeling it, she senses she knows exactly what to do with it, and a smirk grows into a wider smile on her face. She swings expertly at Faith, who was ready and waiting for the blow and easily deflected it. Buffy continues her assault, the two slayers parrying and attacking with great speed and strength. Both reveling in the feeling of the battle. Faith hadn't had the chance to spar like this in a long time, so she was a little rusty. Buffy eventually started to gain the advantage and managed to sweep Faith's legs – knocking her to the ground.

Giles and Xander had been watching the fight with great fascination; they both let out a gasp when Faith was knocked to the ground. Faith turned to look at them and laughed. "No worries boys, I'm five by five." She lept to her feet and smiled at them.

"Five by five? What the hell does that mean?" Buffy was breathing a little heavy from the exertion of the battle. She had a sense that she and Faith used to do this sort of thing, but haven't in awhile. Her body was buzzing with excitement from the fighting. There was also something else, she felt a strong connection to this dark haired woman. She just couldn't tell yet if it was a good or bad connection.

"Once we get your memories back, I'll explain it to you." Faith winked and left the training area, leaving Xander and Giles in stunned silence at the display. She enters the main shop area hoping the witches had found something. "Any luck Red?"

Somehow Willow knew that Faith was talking to her. "Not so much, since we don't have any idea what to look for."

"Alright, I still think we should head over to Buffy's. Maybe you have some magic junk there that will explain all this."

Not having any better ideas the rest of the gang agrees to this plan.

Looking over at Spike, Faith realizes she has to try to explain him somehow. If they discover on their own that he's a vampire, they might freak out and Buffy might stake him.

"There is one other thing I need to tell you guys. I don't want to scare you any more than you already are – but Spike.. he's a vampire. Like those guys were outside of the shop."

Everyone looks to Spike and backs away from him.

"Am not!" Spike shouts in reply.

Faith slowly approaches him and punches him in the face. His face instantly transforms, and everyone can see what he is. He responds by striking the slayer back only to be rewarded with blinding pain in his brain. "Well, that's new and exciting." Faith remarks. "I'm not sure why he's with you guys, but it looks like maybe he can't hurt anyone without pain."

"Are we taking him with us? That doesn't seem safe." Dawn asks, holding on to Buffy's arm.

"I think that we all stay together, in case he has something to do with your memories. Don't worry about him, if he gets out of line, I'll take him out." Faith looks over at Dawn surprised by how much she seems to care about comforting Dawn. "Alright, let's get out of here. Since I'm the only one who knows where we're going, I'll lead the way."

She heads out the door, hoping they'll all follow quickly. A small smirk reaches her lips. She's never thought of herself as a leader, she never figured she had the smarts required to lead anyone. Somehow finding these people, some of whom were once sort of her friends, completely helpless as awakened something in her. Something that made her want to guide others and keep them safe.

As the group approaches Revello drive all seemed quiet. They managed to avoid any conflicts along the way, but Faith is surprised to see a figure waiting on the porch.

"Angel? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question! What is going on here, why did you break out of jail?" He's startled to see the group behind her and their shocked looks at the mention of jail.

"It's complicated, let's get inside and discuss it." Faith pushes past him to go inside.

Once the group is safely inside, Angel and Faith move to the kitchen to talk. Leaving the rest of the gang to stay in the living room.

"How did you know that I would be here?" Faith had hoped her escape had gone unnoticed, if Angel was here, that likely meant she was in trouble.

"I thought maybe you had found out about…" He looks around nervously. He hadn't wanted to worry Faith about the condition Buffy was in. He was afraid she would do exactly what she did and that she wouldn't be ready to be out in the world.

"Found out about what?"

"Buffy… she's not handling being resurrected all that well."

Faith frowns and leans back against the counter but says nothing.

"Tell me what's been going on here," Angel asks, grateful that Faith isn't pressing him on the issue of Buffy's state of mind.

"I found them at a magic shop, apparently owned by Anya, they were all passed out, and when they finally woke up, they had no idea who they were."

Angel pauses and thinks. He knows that Buffy has been going through a difficult time since she was resurrected. He doesn't think she would cast a spell to erase her pain, but maybe someone else would have. "I'm going to look around, maybe there's a clue as to what happened."

Faith is relieved that he isn't more angry with her for breaking out, but she's annoyed that he didn't tell her sooner that Buffy was struggling. Not that she thought she could in anyway help Buffy with her problems.

They enter the living room to find questioning stares from everyone. "So, uh this is Angel. He's a vampire too, but a good one."

"Like me? Am I a good vampire?" Spike asks hopefully.

"What! No, totally not like you." Angel answers with a scowl. Spike frowns and leans back against the wall.

"Why am I friends with so many vampires?" Buffy asks. "Aren't we supposed to kill vampires?"

"Mostly – yeah. Just like a lot of things, it's complicated." Faith smiles down at Buffy, unsure of what Angel meant earlier about her not handling being resurrected all that well. She was surrounded by family and friends, how could she not be happy to be back?

Angel has been looking around while the others were talking. He notices a burnt bag by the fireplace and inspects it. "Well, this explains some things." He turns back to the group. "Everyone, please check your pockets for a crystal. It should be black."

"L-like this one?" Willow holds up a black crystal she found in her shirt pocket.

"Yes, just like that one." Angel takes it and sighs. "Faith, let's talk in the other room for a moment."

Faith follows him into the dining room and waits for him to explain.

"Once I break this crystal their memories will return."

"Ok, so then smash it already, let's get this over with." She reaches for it, intending to crush it right away. Angel pulls it away before she can complete the action.

"Wait, once it's broken, they'll remember who you are too."

Realization dawns on her what that might mean. "Oh, so I should probably get out of here before you do it."

"I have another idea. You came here for a reason. This might be your only chance to talk to Buffy and actually have her listen. She will remember what you tell her once the spell is broken."

Faith's eyes light up a little. She did not expect a chance to explain herself to Buffy without a fight. The opportunity to explain herself to a compliant Buffy is tempting. She thinks about it some more. "No, I can't do it like that. It isn't fair. B is either going to give me a chance, or she isn't. Doing it this way would be like tricking her, I won't do it."

Angel smiles in reply, he had hoped Faith would say this. A sure sign that she has changed that she does deserve forgiveness. He hopes Buffy can find a way to accept that she's here to help. "There's one more thing you should know before we do this. When Buffy died, before they resurrected her, she was not in a hell dimension. She was in heaven."

Faith's eyes widen in shock and horror at this news. "They pulled her out of heaven! How could they do such a thing!"

"They didn't know, they just needed her to come back. They didn't think about where she was. I'm pretty confident Willow cast this spell to remove Buffy's memory of heaven. It just went a lot too far."

Faith's face is full of fury now, she grabbed the crystal from Angel's hand and crushed it. Turning to charge back into the main room determined yell at Willow when Angel restrained her.

"You can't go in there angry, they expect and fear angry Faith. They need to see that you can be something else."

Faith relents and nods at his words, knowing they are true.

"I'll talk to them first." Angel heads into the living room, and Faith stays behind.

The scene in the living room is not great. Willow is crying, Tara and Dawn have run upstairs, and Buffy is staring off into space.

"Well, I think I'll just be on my way," Spike gets up to leave.

"We're right behind you," Xander and Anya quickly exit the house as well.

"Buffy?" Giles calls out cautiously.

Her cold eyes snap up to him, "just go." She replies with quiet venom.

He nods, feeling terribly guilty about leaving, but believes that it's the right thing to do. He knows Buffy can handle anything the world throws at her. He exits the house with a slight nod to Faith who is standing in the hallway.

Angel looks between Buffy and Willow, not sure what to do. He wants to yell at Willow for her misuse of magic but can see the sorrow on her face. If he knew more about what was happening with her and magic he might have taken more action. But he didn't know, he only assumed she was sad because her spell backfired.

"Buffy?" Angel gently says, afraid to frighten the despairing blonde slayer.

"Is she still here?" Buffy's tone was shaky and a little hard to determine.

"Yeah, I'm still here." Faith replies as she slowly steps into the living room. She's expecting Buffy to be furious and attack her. The sadness she sees in Buffy's eyes is devastating. She's never seen the usually upbeat slayer look anywhere near this defeated.

"I don't know why you came here today," Buffy says quietly, watching Faith carefully. "Thank you for keeping us safe." She says in almost a whisper.

This was not at all the reaction Faith was expecting. Yelling, punching, kicking maybe even some stabbing, but not a thank you. "Uh, yeah. No problem, B."


	2. Chapter 2

Faith stands awkwardly in the living room, unsure of what to do next. She was shocked by everyone's indifference to her when their memories returned. After everything she did to them, she expected them to hate her the instant they remembered. But all she saw was vacant stares, they didn't even acknowledge her. Feeling now wasn't the time to ask for any of their forgiveness, she sighed, "Well, I'm gonna wait outside until you're ready to go." nodding at Angel. She could tell he wanted to be alone with Buffy. "Willow, will you come sit with me?"

Willow looks up at her name, barely understanding Faith's words. She nodded in response and slowly stood up to follow Faith outside. Once they were outside, Willow began to return to herself. Being away from Buffy distanced her from some of the pain she'd been feeling. She was filled with guilt for resurrecting Buffy and causing her so much pain. She kept making all the wrong decisions, but she just couldn't seem to stop herself.

Standing with her arms crossed and leaning on the porch railing Faith watched Willow as she stared off into space. She was clearly filled with remorse and confusion. Faith didn't know what could be going on. What would bring Willow to cast a spell on Buffy? Did she really think it was a good idea to magic away someone's memories?

"Willow?"

Again, Willow looks up at hearing her name called. Her eyes are vacant, Faith can see she's buried herself deep in her pain and self-loathing.

"What has been going on here? Why did you cast that spell? And why is Tara so upset with you, I thought you guys were solid?"

Willow is registering Faith's words slowly. The realization that she not only hurt Buffy but she also hurt Tara pushes her over the edge. How could she be behaving this way? She knows magic isn't meant to be used so carelessly, so why does she keep trying to fix everything with spells? She finally hears the words Tara has been telling her for weeks now. Finally realizes that even though she thinks her intentions are good and pure, they really aren't. She breaks down into sobs. Holding her hands over her face as her body shakes from crying.

Faith is shocked by Willow's reaction and also by her desire to comfort the woman she barely knew. "Hey, it's ok. I can't believe you would ever try to hurt anyone."

Willow continues to hold her hands over her face, but her body is slowly calming. She looks up at Faith for the first time since getting her memory back. What she sees there is very surprising. Instead of the brash smirk she expects, all she sees is calm compassion and concern. Willow's first instinct is to remember how much this woman standing in front of her has hurt everyone she cares about. After looking into Faith's eyes though, some of that pain and resentment falls away. She remembers how Faith kept them all safe when they didn't know who they were. If Faith were still evil, they would have been helpless to stop her. Instead, she guided them to safety, did her best to explain things to them and keep them calm.

"There are so many things I've been doing wrong. I don't even know who I am anymore. I can't believe I would try to take away Buffy's and Tara's memories. What is wrong with me?" Willow looks up at Faith with tears in her eyes, pleading for Faith to have some kind of answer that explains everything.

"After seeing the look in B's eyes, I can see how you would want to help her. She looks so lost." Faith pauses, unsure of exactly how to say what she thinks Willow needs to hear. "I don't know too much about this magic stuff, that's never been my thing. But I do know about taking the easy way out, about making choices without thinking of their consequences. You need to decide who you want to be. I know you don't want to end up like me, in jail or even worse."

"Tara is going to leave me. I made a promise to her, and I broke it almost instantly." Willow casts her eyes down, not understanding why she's even talking to Faith about any of this, or how Faith can be saying things that make so much sense. They were never friends. Willow never trusted Faith, so why was she trusting her now?

"It was pretty messed up what you did. I heard about what happened with Glory from Angel. You can understand why she'd think it was a good idea to break up, can't you?"

"Yeah, I understand it completely. What I can't understand is how I let this happen." Willow again is sobbing into her hands. "I actually did it to her twice." She says this barely audibly, only because of Faith's slayer hearing does she hear it.

Faith is shocked to hear this confession. What had happened to the sweet, dorky Willow she had known? "Maybe this time apart will be good for you. Maybe you just need some time to figure out what kind of person you want to be. Can't Giles help you with the magic? Help you control yourself a little?"

"He's leaving."

"What! How can he do that? Doesn't he see how much Buffy needs support right now?" Faith pushes herself away from the railing and begins pacing around the porch.

"I don't get it either, but he thinks he needs to. He thinks Buffy needs to stand on her own."

"That is seriously messed up, when is he leaving? I should go talk to him." Faith turns to leave but pauses. What could she possibly say to Giles to convince him to stay? It's not like they were ever close. He never cared about her the way he cared about his slayer. She stops and drops down in defeat, sitting on the steps of the porch. This day didn't go at all how she had expected. Now she has to go back to jail, and she won't even get the chance to try to talk to Buffy.

They sit in silence for several minutes, until the front door opens and Angel appears. "Are you ready to go?" Faith asks.

"I'm ready to go, but you are staying."

"What? I can't stay, I have to go back. They'll be looking for me."

"Don't worry about that. You are needed here."

Faith looks at him in confusion. "No, I can't. I'm not done with my punishment. I'm not ready to be free."

Angel smiles down at her. "You are ready, your actions today prove that. You aren't the same person you were."

"But... I .. I don't know. " Faith stammers and looks down. Part of her is excited about the idea of staying. Being in jail was not exactly fun. She thinks back on the day, imagines what she would have done if this had happened three years ago. Would she have been so protective of everyone? Or would she have tried to hurt them? She shakes her head, wanting to believe that maybe Angel might be right, that she is ready to be out in the world again.

She starts to panic at this thought. If she stays, she'll have to apologize to everyone. That was her intention all along, but she hadn't planned on staying. Hadn't planned on having to deal with the aftermath. No matter how they reacted to her apology, she wouldn't have stuck around to have to deal with it.

Angel could see the conflicting emotions crossing Faith's face. He wraps her in a tight embrace and whispers. "It will be ok. You can do this. It might take a little time, but they will forgive you."

Willow has been sitting quietly watching this exchange. Part of her is terrified of the idea of Faith sticking around. This is the same woman who held a knife to her throat. She tried to hurt every one of her friends. But as she watched Angel hold her, she remembered that Faith tried to kill him too. And he had found a way to forgive her for what she had done. He must see something in her, something that makes her worthy of his forgiveness. It might be good for Buffy to have someone around to support her. Someone to take the pressure off.

"Faith?" Willow says quietly, not wanting to interrupt their moment, but feeling the need to tell Faith she should stay. "I think he's right. I think Buffy needs you here, maybe we all do." Seeing Faith worthy of redemption made Willow feel like maybe she could redeem herself. Maybe she could fix things with Tara, and maybe she could be the person she wanted to be. With this thought, she runs into the house and upstairs.

Faith and Angel watch Willow with a smile. Hoping things will work out for her, but knowing it's not going to be an easy path. Redemption never is.

Faith takes a step back from Angel to look past him into the house. "Are you sure Buffy is going to accept me being here?"

Angel sighs. The talk they had was not exactly what he had hoped. He couldn't believe how despondent Buffy had become. When he suggested that Faith should stay in Sunnydale, Buffy barely responded. "I don't know how she's going to react to you. She's so lost now, I'm not sure she's even hearing me." He pauses, wanting to reassure Faith, but not to give her any false hope that things are going to be easy. "I think you're the only one who can help her through this. You're the only one who can understand what it's like to be the slayer. I believe you can help her remember who she is."

 **xxxxxxxxxxxx**

Willow rushes up the stairs to find Tara packing. She stands in the doorway, saying nothing at first. Not sure where to begin. "Tara?"

Tara looks up at Willow, who sudden appearance startled her. "What? There's nothing you can say that is going to stop me from leaving. So don't bother." She continues throwing clothes in her suitcase with fury.

"I know. I messed everything up. Over and over I screwed up. I understand that you need to go. I just wanted to tell you that I know that I've been awful. I can't even believe the person I've become." Willow pauses, Tara's furious packing has slowed, and she looks up with tears in her eyes. "I'm going to figure this out, and I'm going to learn to use magic the way it's meant to be used. I understand now that it's not meant to be used so carelessly."

Tara closes her suitcase and picks it up, not looking at Willow. She knows if she does she'll lose her strength to leave. But she has to leave, has to give Willow a chance to really change. The words she hears lifts her spirits, gives her hope that things will get better. She brushes past Willow, still not looking at her. When she gets to the top of the steps she pauses and looks back. For just a moment she looks into Willow's eyes and sees remorse and pain, but she also sees understanding and compassion. She turns and begins her descent, while Willow stays in the doorway, slumping down and sobbing once more.

Tara gets to the bottom of the stairs and sees Buffy is sitting alone in the living room. "Buffy?"

Buffy looks up, she sees Tara with her bags and nods understanding to the blonde witch. She doesn't know the whole story of why Tara is leaving. She's been so caught up in her own misery that she's been ignoring everything around her.

"I hope things get better for you." Tara quietly says and exits the house to find Angel and Faith standing on the porch steps.

"Hey Tara, I guess we've never officially met before. I'm sorry about the way I behaved when I was ah.. in Buffy's body."

Tara doesn't immediately respond. She takes the time to really look at Faith and see her aura. "I can see that you're not the same person you were then Faith." She offers Faith a small smile and walks down the steps. "If you can, you should stay. I think they need you."

Faith nods at Tara and watches her turn to leave.

"See? You are needed here. You have to stay." Angel smirks down at the dark haired slayer.

Faith sighs and lightly pushes Angel. "Yeah, fine whatever. I guess I'm staying." She runs her hands through her hair and starts towards the door. "See you around?"

Angel smiles. "I'll be a phone call away. If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate. They need you, but don't be afraid to ask for help for yourself."

Faith nods and enters the Summers' house, not at all sure what the future holds for any of them.


	3. Chapter 3

As Faith enters the Summers' home she is bracing herself for the inevitable confrontation with Buffy. In a way, she is looking forward to it – hoping to get everything off her chest. Believing it's a chance for her to prove that she has really changed. She is surprised and disappointed to see that Buffy is no longer sitting in the living room. Using her slayer senses she feels for the blonde slayer, confirming that Buffy is still in the house at least.

Exhausted from the very draining day, she lays down on the couch and waits for Buffy to return. She signs heavily as she lays down. This is the most comfortable place she's had to lay down in quite some time. She thinks back on the bizarre day she's had. She was so scared when she first entered the magic shop. Seeing them all laying there, completely helpless. What if someone else had found them before she did? Even though she knows she has a long way to go for any of them to trust them, she still thinks of them as her friends.

Any resentment she might have held for them has long since past. Her time with Angel and then in jail made her realize that even though they never took the time to really understand her, they were still good people. They just lived their sheltered lives, knowing the evils of the supernatural world, but not of the human world. They could never have imagined what Faith lived through before she was called. They could never understand how someone would lash out against those close to them. Faith hadn't understood it herself until she had some time to reflect.

At the time, even if they had tried to learn more about her, she wouldn't' have been able to tell them. Too many of the wounds were too fresh, and she was too angry. But she's had time, time to come to terms with what happened. Time to understand that what happened to her when she was young wasn't her fault. She didn't have the proper support to know how to deal with her childhood, all she had was anger and fear. Fear of being hurt again, fear of being rejected. This is why she was so quick to reject them, before they could reject her. She thought she was protecting herself, but really she was hiding and in effect causing herself more pain.

This is what she wanted to try to explain to them all. The reason she was drawn to the mayor was because he was so kind and loving to her. She had never experienced unconditional caring. In a way she was sad that he was gone. Even though she knew he was completely evil, she still missed the way he treated her. The way he let her know that she was special and important. He never judged her for her actions. He might correct her, might tell her to act like a proper lady. But it was always done in a positive loving way.

She shuddered a little, thinking that a demon could love her, and that she missed how it felt. Part of her redemption was to be honest with herself though, to really let herself feel and understand those feelings. It had been a very hard road, but she finally no longer felt like she should hate herself. She just hoped she could survive the confrontation with Buffy and the scoobies without returning to that state of self-loathing.

Xxxxxxxxx

"Faith!" Buffy is shouting and shaking Faith awake on the couch. "What the hell are you still doing here?"

"I.. I thought Angel explained I was gonna stay." Faith is bleary eyed and a little confused as to where she is. She hadn't been able to sleep this deeply in years.

"I thought he meant in Sunnydale, not in my house! You have to go right now!" Buffy is fuming and waving her hands around as she paces around the living room.

"Ok yeah, I'm going." Faith stands up as Willow comes down the stairs.

"What's going on, why is there yelling?" Willow looks concerned at how angry Buffy seems to be.

"I fell asleep on the couch. I'm leaving now though." Faith moves to the door.

"Buffy? I think you should let her stay here." Willow offers up quietly.

"What! She can't, we can't trust her. Who knows what she's planning."

"If she was going to hurt us, she had plenty of chances yesterday. She could have done anything she wanted to us."

"Don't worry about it Willow, I never meant to stay here anyway. I was just exhausted last night." Faith is almost out the door now. She glances back at Buffy to see she's no longer filled with rage and is sitting down. That vacant stare has returned and Faith's heart aches for what she sees.

"Buffy, please let her stay." Dawn calls from upstairs. "She did everything she could to keep us safe when we were helpless. I.. I feel safer with her around."

This startles Buffy. "You don't feel safe?"

Dawn enters the living room and sits next to Buffy on the couch. "Maybe safer isn't the right word. With what you've been going through, I know you aren't yourself. With Faith here, maybe she can help with the slaying. Give you a chance to rest?" She has more to say, but is afraid to say it. She misses her sister, misses her energy, misses her nagging even.

Faith is completely shocked by this show of support from Dawn and Willow. She had never done anything directly to Dawn, but she did cause plenty of pain to her mother and sister. Willow on the other hand never seemed to like Faith, and Faith gave her plenty of reasons to hate her. She wonders if Willow's recent magical mistakes had made her realize that it's pretty easy to fall into the darkness.

With tears in her eyes. Buffy nods. "Fine."

The room breaths a sigh of relief.

"Ok Kiddo – time to get ready for school." Willow says to Dawn. "I'll get some food ready."

Faith is surprised by how natural that exchange is, then she realizes, Willow and Tara have been taking care of Dawn all this time. Even with Buffy back, she hasn't taken over the duty of raising her sister. She grimaces a bit at the thought. Even though they are false memories, she remembers how protective of Dawn Buffy used to be.

"Lemme work on breakfast, you guys go get cleaned up." Faith looks over to Buffy who still hasn't moved, shakes her head lightly and heads into the kitchen.

Faith puts gets the coffee maker going and begins preparing bacon and eggs. She sets out the milk and juice and waits for Dawn and Willow to return. She doesn't even realize that she's lightly humming as she prepares the food.

"What are you so happy about?" Buffy says with annoyance as she enters the kitchen. She hadn't planned on coming in here, but found herself annoyed at how happy Faith seemed to be.

Shocked by Buffy's appearance, and the realization that she was humming, and that she actually is a little happy. "Well, you might remember that I was in jail up until recently. Being able to move around freely is a pretty good feeling." There's a lot more to it than that, but she's not sure Buffy would want to hear it. She flashes back to the few times she was invited to the Summers' home when Joyce was still around. Before things fell apart. She enjoyed the feeling of family, something she wasn't able to really embrace at the time, but now she could. Now she felt like maybe she deserved to be part of a family. That she could be someone who could be relied upon.

Buffy huffs at this response. Sitting down at the counter and continuing to watch Faith prepare breakfast. "Why did you show up yesterday?"

"I dunno exactly. I just felt like I needed to come here, needed to try to talk to you and the rest of the gang." Faith's back is to Buffy, but she can feel Buffy's eyes on her. The sensation is uncomfortable, but she's trying to keep her body as calm and loose as possible. She doesn't want to seem at all confrontational or threatening.

"How long were you there before we woke up?" This isn't really the question Buffy wants to ask. She wants to get Faith to say whatever it is she came to say. But she knows she isn't ready to hear it, isn't ready to take on any more guilt. She doesn't have room to remember how guilty she feels about how things happened with Faith. Remembering what it felt like to stab the dark slayer, to have been willing to kill her. She pushes these thoughts down, not willing to let them add to her current sadness.

"A couple of hours. I had no idea what to do to help you guys. I was pretty worried that some evil had done this and was going to come attack you."

"Why would you even care?"

Faith turns around at this. Startled that Buffy could think she wouldn't care of something happened to her – to the rest of them. "You think I don't care about you? That I would want you to be hurt?"

"Of course I do! All we've ever done is fight. All you've ever done was to try to take everything away from me!" Buffy rises now getting a bit more animated with her movements as she shouts at Faith.

"What's going on? Something smells good!" Dawn enters the kitchen, knowing she was interrupting a fight and wanting to break the tension.

"Nothing is going on." Buffy storms out of the kitchen and heads back upstairs.

"What's up kid?" Suppressing her desire to chase after Buffy and try to respond to her accusations. She hands Dawn a plate piled high with bacon, eggs and toast.

"Uh, Faith. Are you trying to feed an army?"

Faith laughs and moves some of the food onto her own plate. "You know me, I like to eat." She smiles at Dawn, enjoying how comfortable and good this feels. To feel like maybe she's part of something and maybe someone actually wants her around. "Thanks for sticking up for me earlier. You didn't have to do that."

"I think I did. Buffy really needs help, I think maybe you can help her. I can't believe Giles left, why would he do that now? Doesn't he see how much pain Buffy is in?"

"I wish I knew, he must have some reason. I can't believe he'd be doing it to hurt her."

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't understand it."

There's a knock at the front door.

"Xander must be here to take me to school. I'll see you later?"

"Count on it." Faith smiles and nods as Dawn exits. A few minute later Willow enters the kitchen.

"Thanks for getting breakfast ready. Oooh coffee. Gimme!"

Faith chuckles and hands her a cup. Looking at her carefully, she can see the sadness in Willow's eyes. Can see that she's obviously been crying all night. Willow shrinks a little from Faith's stare. Feeling like Faith can see into her thoughts. She can tell there is no judgment there though, no sense that Faith blames Willow for the mistakes she's made. This understanding is comforting, and makes Willow realize that they never treated Faith with the same compassion and understanding.

"I'm sorry Faith." Willow casts her eyes down and focuses on her coffee.

"Sorry about what? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"For before, for not giving you more of a chance."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. It's not like I made it easy. We all said and did things we wish we hadn't. I've had a lot of time to really think about how things went down. To understand why I made the choices I did. I'm not saying I don't still feel awful about it. But I know myself now, I know I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt anyone ever again. I don't expect you guys to just forgive me, I just hope I'll get the chance to earn your trust."

Willow nods. Not quite willing to say she fully trusts Faith yet. But just like Dawn, she feels safer with Faith around. Part of it might be that she's actually a little afraid of Buffy, afraid of what she might do. This thought scares her and she shakes her head, trying to clear the thought of Buffy hurting herself or someone else.

Faith sees the pained look on Willow's face, not quite sure what to say. She has no experience being a supportive friend. She's never let herself get close enough to care about their feelings.

Willow gathers herself a bit and stands up. "I'm off to school. I have no idea what Buffy has been doing during the day, while we.." At this Willow starts to crumble. There is no more we, no more Tara. She sits back down and covers her face with her hands.

Faith moves around the island counter to comfort her. She gently wraps her arms around Willow and is surprised when she turns in her seat and latches on to Faith, accepting her comforting embrace. After a few minutes, she senses that Willow has sobbed herself to sleep. Sighing, Faith scoops her up and starts to carry her upstairs.

She's surprised to encounter Buffy who is on her way down. "What happened? What did you do to her?"

"Come on, B. I didn't do anything, she's just devastated. I'm bring her to her bed."

Buffy narrows her eyes, but lets them pass.

"There's coffee and food in the kitchen if you want some." Faith says as she passes, trying to ignore the negative energy radiating from the blonde slayer.

Faith continues up the stairs and finds Willow's room. She places her carefully on the bed and brings a blanket over her. Willow grumbles slightly but rolls over and buries her face in the pillow, still asleep. Faith smiles and turns to leave, at the top of the stairs she sees Buffy exit the house and quietly shut the door behind her. Shaking her head, Faith head downstairs to clean up the dishes from breakfast. Humming lightly to herself again as she works, she starts to think of what she's going to do now.

Should she try to get a job? They must need money, plus she needs to find something to keep herself busy. As she's contemplating her options, the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hello Faith."

"Hey, Angel. What's up?"

"I'm surprised that you're still at the house."

"I'm surprised myself. We had a bit of a thing this morning, but I think it's worked out. Willow and Dawn wanted me to stay." Faith is still amazed by them standing up for her.

Angel pauses, only mildly surprised at this news. "How's Buffy?"

"Angry and miserable. She's definitely not happy about me being here and doesn't trust me at all. She took off this morning without saying anything."

"Are you going to go try and find her?"

"I don't think so. I think she needs some space."

"If you think that's best." Angel didn't want to put too much pressure on Faith. He wanted her to figure this out for herself.

Something about his tone made Faith realize that Angel didn't think Buffy needed space at all. She laughed. "Yeah, ok – I get it. I'll track her down. I'll talk to you later Angel"

"Wait! That's not actually why I called. I wanted you to know your jail situation is cleared up. The cops won't be coming for you."

"That's great news, thank you. Do I want to know what you did?"

"Nothing major, just a little magical influence." Angel smirked, knowing that Faith wouldn't want to hear the details on anything magical. "Also, there's some money set aside for you. I thought you might need it to resupply and find a place to stay."

"Guess I do need some supplies. I've only got this one set of clothes. Thank you again."

She carefully writes down the banking information he provides and tucks it into her pocket.

"Of course Faith. Good luck, and stay in touch."

"Will do." She hangs up the phone and prepares to head outside.

She opens the front door and is surprised to see Buffy is standing there on the steps. She's just staring out in to the yard. "B?" Faith watches as Buffy slowly turns her head, that lost vacant stare has returned. Faith is seriously freaked out now, has she been standing here this whole time? "Talk to me, tell me what's going on."

There's no response from Buffy. She's turned back away from Faith to look out into the yard. Faith closes the door behind her and moves to stand next to Buffy on the steps. She considered attempting to embrace the smaller slayer, but dismisses that idea quickly. She opts to just stand there in silence, waiting, hoping that Buffy will eventually speak.

After several long silent minutes, Buffy slowly sits down on the steps. She sighs deeply. "I just don't know who I'm supposed to be any more. I don't know why I'm here, why I'm alive. I was free, it was over."

Faith moves to sit down as well, not saying anything, she knows there's more.

"I gave up, before. I was ready to quit and let the world burn."

Faith had heard about how Buffy shut down after Dawn was taken. She didn't really understand the significance of that until this moment. Faith is lost in her own thoughts, she almost doesn't hear what Buffy says next.

"I kissed Spike."

"You what?!"

"That's the news that gets a reaction out of you?" Buffy laughs and for a second everything feels a little bit lighter. She feels a little less lost, but only for a second.

Faith sees the change in Buffy's eyes, almost returning to normal and then back into despair. That moment of normalcy gave Faith hope though, hope that maybe she really could help.

"Yeah, well, it is pretty shocking. Speaking of Spike, what's up with him? Why does his head hurt when he hurts someone?"

"They put a chip in his head." Buffy says this as if it explains everything.

Faith just nods, willing to accept this response for now. She wants to say something, give some kind of reply to what she's just been told. Her first instinct is to apologize, but she remembers Buffy threatening her life if she ever did that. So they sit in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, each enjoying the quiet company.

Faith understands the enormity of what Buffy just confessed, for her to admit that she was willing to give up is too big of an idea for Faith to really comprehend right now. She knows they'll have to talk about it more. That holding onto this guilt is part of why Buffy is so despondent. It's not just her sense of loss from being pulled out of heaven. It's her guilt for wanting to go back there, for having wanted to be free even before she knew what it would mean.

In a way this confession to Buffy is more cathartic than when she confessed to everyone that she was in heaven. She had been carrying around an enormous weight of guilt even before she died. The pain of knowing she was willing to give up, to let the world die, was crushing. If Willow hadn't pulled her out of her endless loop she might not have recovered, she might not have ever come out of her trance. Thinking of Willow activates more guilt. Knowing that she had abandoned her best friend, not really paying attention to the trouble she's been getting into with magic.

"I've been so selfish."

Faith turns to her in shock. "Selfish? Are you kidding?" Selfish is never something she thought Buffy could be. A little self-involved, sure, but not to the level of actually being selfish.

"It's true, I've been so wrapped up in my.. I don't even know what to call it, that I've been ignoring everyone around me. Even Dawn, I've let Willow and Tara take care of her. It's not right, I need to be stronger."

"Hey, listen. What you've been through, no one can even imagine. Since you were called you've had the weight of the world on your shoulders. And I know if I hadn't been so messed up, I could have helped you. Instead I piled on to your burden." Faith sighs, wanting to say more, wanting to explain how guilty she feels, knowing that if she had been around Buffy wouldn't have had to die. Together they could have destroyed Glory without anyone having to die. She doesn't think this is the right time for that, not the right time to unburden herself onto Buffy.

"You can't just snap your fingers and decide not to be sad about what you're going through. It's going to take a lot of time and work to find yourself again. Let me help take some of the pressure off. Please?" Faith can't believe she just said please, it's seriously going to ruin her bad-girl persona.

Buffy looks over at Faith, and their eyes meet. There's a faint glimmer in Buffy's eyes, a glimmer of relief and hope. She didn't even realize that she had been trying so hard to be normal that it was making her retreat even further into her own misery. The idea that she didn't need to just get over her pain, that she should be allowed to feel what she was feeling was liberating.

Looking back away from Faith, trying to keep the tears out of her eyes, she says. "Ok, thank you. I'm still not sure that I understand why you're here, I don't know that I fully trust you." Buffy pauses, looking at her feet, afraid to say the next part. Afraid that if she admits she needs help she'll completely fall apart. "But I'll try."

A large grin appears on Faith's face. She's determined to help Buffy through this, she doesn't think of it as part of her redemption, she just wants to do it. If she was fully self-aware she'd realize this was further proof of how much she's changed.


	4. Chapter 4

The two slayers sit in comfortable silence for some time. They watch in silence as Tara walks up to the house. Her eyes cast down, trying to hide the redness in her eyes.

"Hey Tara." Faith offers gently. A little surprised to see Tara here so soon.

"Hey. I.. I forgot a bo... book that I need for class today."

"No worries, I'll go grab it. Where did you leave it?"

"I can go it."

"It's probably better that you don't. Willow is probably still sleeping." She doesn't want to say anymore. She can tell that Tara wants to see Willow, that she wants to forgive her. But it's too soon and they both know it.

"Yeah, ok. It's just on the desk."

"Be right back."

Faith runs into the house and up the stairs. Quieting herself as much as possible as she approaches their room. Not wanting to disturb Willow. Stealthily she creeps into the room and see the book sitting on the desk. She takes a moment to look over at Willow who must have gotten up at some point to move to Tara's side of the bed, but is now returned to sleep. She's holding a tissue in her hand and her face is stained with tears.

Faith returns to the porch and hands Tara the book. Who takes the book without really looking at it.

"Tara?" Faith waits for her to look up. "Is there anyone that can help Willow with this magic stuff? I know she needs help, but I'm not sure how to help her."

"Giles?"

"He left town." Buffy replies, choking back her anger.

"What about Angel and the rest of the LA gang? Could they help her do you think?" Faith offers, trying not to let her own anger at Giles come out.

Tara brightens at this idea. "That could be good."

Faith smiles in return. "Alright, I'll set that up."

"You're always welcome here, Tara. I know Dawn will miss having you around."

Tara's mouths drop open with shock at hearing Buffy say this. Not because Tara didn't feel welcome around Buffy, but because Buffy hadn't shown any interest in anyone else since she's come back. Tara could still see the pain and turmoil in Buffy's aura, but now there was a mild lightening there as well. Tara looked at Faith and smiled. Not wanting to ruin the moment by pointing any of this out.

"Thank you. I'm off to class now. I'll be in touch." Tara says as she turns to leave. Her spirits much improved. She was amazed at the positive affect Faith seemed to be having on everyone. She hadn't been around to experience any of the so-called evil acts, but she had heard the stories. She knew that she had purposefully killed an innocent man. That kind of thing cannot be forgotten.

"Well, I've got some shopping to do. I want to be back before Dawn gets home from school."

"She usually meets over at the Magic Box before heading home." Buffy offers up quietly.

"Ok, I'll head over there after I buy some new clothes. Is there anything you need?"

Buffy shakes her head and looks down again. "Faith, why are you here? Why are you doing this?"

"I'm not sure there's an answer to that, B. Not one you'd be willing to accept right now anyway. I spent a lot of time thinking while I was in jail. A lot of that time was spent wondering what things could have been like if I hadn't been so destructive. If I'd been more in touch with my feelings. Maybe I want another chance. A chance to be part of .." Your family is what she wants to say, but isn't sure she's ready to say it. "something." She ends her little speech weakly. A bit afraid of revealing too much of herself to Buffy. "Even if you don't trust me, you have to trust that I would never hurt Dawn. I want to be here to help take care of her, I think she needs a lot of support right now."

Buffy is stricken by these last words. "What! How dare you?! What makes you think you can take care of Dawn better than I can!?" Buffy is standing now, fists clenched.

Faith stands back and keeps her posture non-threatening. "I didn't mean.. I have no idea if I can take care of Dawn at all – that wasn't what I meant." She sighs, regretting this turn of events. Things had been going so well, she should have known she was going to mess things up. "If Willow ends up going to LA, it'll be good to have someone else around to help – that's all. I know you're doing the best you can." She wanted to say more, wanted to yell back in Buffy's face. Point out how she's been ignoring Dawn and how much she's hurting because of it. But she resists, for now she's willing to just take Buffy's hurtful words without returning them. Eventually, hard words will need to be said, but now is not the time.

"Whatever." Buffy starts to calm down and turns away from Faith. She's furious, but not really with Faith. She's mad because she knows what Faith really meant, she knows she's been neglecting her duties with Dawn. It just all hurt so much, she couldn't take it. She crosses her arms over her stomach protectively, trying to quell the shaking in her body.

Faith sees this and is tempted to pull Buffy close, to attempt to comfort her the way she did with Willow. As she steps towards the smaller slayer she sees Buffy tense up, and instead retreats a step back. "What do you think about doing a little sparring after I shop?"

"Yeah maybe."

Faith had hoped for something more, but is doesn't want to press the issue. "Ok, well I'll see you at the Magic Box." She hops down off the steps and heads into town. She doesn't look back to see Buffy watching her leave. A mixture of anguish and confusion on her face.

xxxxxxxx

Several hours later Faith enters the Magic Box with her newly acquired clothes. She finds several customers milling about and Anya at the counter helping a customer. Faith brings her gear to the training room, she was hoping Buffy would already be there, but she wasn't. Sighing Faith puts her bags down and returns to the main area of the store. Thinking maybe she could talk to Anya. They never knew each other, had only briefly met when Faith was in Buffy's skin. She could tell the ex-vengeance demon was a loved member of the gang, and she wanted to try to get to know her if possible.

Once Anya is done with her customer she glares at Faith. "You aren't going to hurt Xander again are you?"

Faith is shocked by the straightforwardness. "No.. no of course not."

"He told me what you did. He told me how you had sex with him and then treated him like dirt. You can't have sex with him again. He's mine."

"No problem there, he's all yours. I feel terrible about how I treated him, I would never do anything like that again."

Anya narrows her eyes and then smiles. "Good, glad that's cleared up."

"Uh.. yeah.. Good." Faith has no idea what to make of this woman. Though now that she thinks about it, as an ex-demon she must have done far worse things than Faith ever did. Everyone seems to have forgiven her. The same with Spike, he doesn't even have a soul, just some kind of mysterious chip in his head. They all seem to have forgiven him too, and he's done unspeakable things, he's even killed two slayers.

Her blood begins to boil a bit thinking about it. How can they judge her so harshly for what she's done yet forgiven these two. Faith was just a kid when she made those mistakes. She shakes her head, knowing this isn't a good train of thought to follow. She remembers that they were all kids, they still are in a lot of ways. Even though it might not be fair, she has to give them time to figure it all out themselves.

The bell above the door jingles and Faith looks up to see Buffy entering. The look on her face is hard to read, which Faith supposes might be better than the emptiness that she's seen there so far. Neither of them say anything as Buffy walks by Faith to enter the training area. After a moment Faith smirks and follows her. As soon as the door is closed, Buffy is attacking Faith. A flurry of punches that Faith barely has a chance to deflect.

It only takes her a second to gain her bearings though. She begins to parry the punches more efficiently and finds a few openings to return the attack, which Buffy is able to easily deflect. The two slayers battle for several minutes, neither able to gain the upper hand. Faith sees the determination in the blonde slayer's eyes and loses her focus for a second, preventing her from fully deflecting a blow which glances off of her ear. It's not a direct hit, but it's enough to cause sharp pain and awaken the slayer in Faith.

She grins and renews her assault on the smaller slayer, finding an opening and managing a leg sweep which knocks Buffy to the ground. Going in to pounce she's met with a double kick to her chest which sends her flying into the wall. She hits with a grunt, shocked by the force of the kick, shocked that she let it happen. She looks up just as Buffy is approaching, her instinct is to protect herself for the blows she can sense are coming. She surprised when none come and instead she sees Buffy holding out her hand to help her up.

"Rusty much?" Buffy laughs lightly as she helps the rogue slayer to her feet.

"I guess so, those prison girls aren't quite a match for you." She winks at Buffy feeling comfortable enough to let her a little of her flirtiness out. She's surprised when Buffy doesn't get upset like she would have in the past, but maybe her flirt wasn't overt enough.

"Are you ready for more?"

"Always." As soon as the word is out of her mouth Buffy is attacking her once again. A flurry of kicks and punches. They move around each other in a deadly dance. Neither wanting to let the other one gain any advantage for several minutes. Faith is distracted when the door to the room opens. She gets caught full on with a left cross this time. Her head rocks back and she sees stars. "Damn, B. Nice one." She smiles letting Buffy know there are no hard feelings.

"Will you two keep it down! I have customers in here, they won't give me their money if they think there is a war going on in here."

The two slayers look at each other and laugh.

Anya huffs and turns back around to exit the area.

"She's an interesting character." Faith remarks.

"If you really want to see how interesting she is, you should bring her a bunny."

"A bunny? What the hell?"

"I have no idea, she's got this whole thing with bunnies." Some of the light is starting to fade from Buffy's eyes again.

Faith had noticed that some of Buffy's spirit had returned while they were fighting. She felt like the slayer part of each of them was calling out, wanting to be free, wanting to be whole. She was hopeful, but cautious. She knew it wasn't going to be as easy as some sparring and banter. Buffy had real pain she was dealing with. Pain mixed with fear and guilt.

"Thanks for sparring with me. It felt great to let loose again."

Buffy doesn't respond at first and Faith is a little worried she said something wrong again. Something that sent Buffy back into her shell.

"Faith.. I.."

Faith waits, not wanting to disrupt anything Buffy might have to say.

Instead of continuing her thought, she says "Let's go wait out in the shop, Dawn should be here soon."

"Yeah ok." Faith is disappointed, but feels there is a least hope that things will get better for Buffy. She enters the main shop and is surprised to see Dawn is already there. Even more surprised to see that she's loitering by a table and slipping a necklace into her pocket. She's staring at Dawn, just waiting for Dawn to notice the glare.

When Dawn finally looks up and see Faith's stare she looks down at her feet, carefully putting the item back on the table. Faith nods but says nothing. This is yet another discussion meant for another time.

The bell above the door jingles and Xander enters. Upon seeing Faith standing there, he aggressively approaches her, still keeping a safe distance. "Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be back in jail by now?"

"It's ok honey, she said she wasn't going to try to have sex with you." Anya cheerfully calls out.

"That's so not the point. She killed people!"

"So, I killed people. Lots of people, in lots of unbelievably terrible ways." Anya says this without a hint of remorse, only a bit of confusion as to why Xander doesn't seem it the same way she does.

Faith smirks, starting to really like Anya and her no nonsense way of talking.

"Yeah, but you were a demon when you do those things."Xander replies weakly, knowing that this isn't working. No one really understands why he's so upset with Faith, he's not even sure he understands.

"So, I still had a choice, and I even chose to be a demon."

Xander shakes his head, not sure what to do with his fury. Not understanding why Buffy isn't backing up his outrage, why she in fact is saying nothing. "Why are you trusting her? Have you forgotten what she did? What she did to Willow and Angel?"

"Nobody has forgotten anything, Xander. Things are just complicated right now, and Angel thought she could help." Faith is surprised when Buffy doesn't also say that she doesn't trust her.

Even though Xander knew about Buffy being in heaven, he didn't know about her giving up. Even if he had, he still wouldn't have understood how guilty she felt about it. He's always been too caught up in his own inadequacies to realize that those with magic and super powers didn't always have it so easy. Being super powered didn't spare them from the pain and confusion that he experienced.

"I'm not here to get in between any of you. I don't expect your trust or forgiveness Xander. I know what I did was totally screwed up. I hope you'll give me a chance, but I'll understand if you don't." Faith pauses, watching Xander, waiting for him to say something in return. When he doesn't she sighs. "I'm going to head back to the house and get dinner going. Dawn? Will you walk with me? Lemme just go grab my bags."

Dawn nods her head, understanding there are a few reasons why Faith wants this time alone with her. Bracing herself for the yelling and anger from the dark slayer, she follows Faith out the door.

They walk in silence for a while, Dawn is squirming internally, waiting for Faith to lash out.

"I'm not going to tell Buffy what I saw."

"Thank you." A flush of relief sweeps through Dawn.

"I used to steal all the time when I was younger. But I did it because I had to, at least at first. I stole food and clothes. Then I started to get addicted to it, stealing just because I could. Daring someone to catch me."

"It's not like that I.. I.."

"Dawn, don't try to lie to me. I'm not judging you, I'm trying to explain that I get it. In a way we're kinda similar. Our families abandoned us in different ways, but in the end it's almost the same feeling. You've had to grow up way too fast, it's not at all fair. I don't want to freak you out, but just like if you have problems at school, if you get caught stealing they could take you away from Buffy. And the way she is now, I'm not sure she could fight for you the way she'd have to."

Dawn's eyes widen. "But.. Anya wouldn't do that to me, would she?"

Faith gives Dawn a knowing look. "Anya probably wouldn't, but I'm guessing she's not the only one you've stolen from."

Dawn's eyes are downcast, trying not to cry. She was just so unhappy, she didn't feel like she had anyone who really loved her anymore. It was terrifying.

"Hey look, things are going to get better." She drops her bags and wraps Dawn in a hug. They stay like that for a few minutes. "I can't tell you that it's going to be easy, cause it won't be. But things will get better." Faith is again shocked. She's never hugged anyone in comfort in her life until yesterday.

"Hey! What are you doing! Get off of her?" Xander is running up to them as Faith releases the hug and goes to step back. Xander launches himself at Faith attempting to push her further away.

"Xander! What are you doing? She was just talking to me! What is your problem!"

"But you were crying.. and.. " He's so confused. Realizing now that Faith was comforting Dawn makes him even more furious. How could she be so kind to everyone now, yet used him the way she did.

"Dawn, why don't you head inside. And take all these bags." She laughs as she piles her bags into Dawn's arms, watching her struggle not to drop anything. She turns to Xander, she can see the rage and confusion on his face. "What was that about? You can't really have thought I was hurting her."

Xander says nothing, he knows she's right. He says nothing and walks away.

Buffy approaches as Xander leaves. "What was that all about?"

"Just a misunderstanding." Faith shrugs and the two slayers enter the house.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Several weeks pass by without much incident. Willow had agreed that she would go spend some time with Angel in LA. She understood that she needed help, someone to guide her in the proper use of magic. Faith was sure to make Buffy and Dawn spend time together every evening. Even though Buffy was still not quite back to herself, there were glimpses of her return during these times. Dawn particularly seemed much happier. She confessed to Faith about some of the other things she had stolen, and even made an effort to return as much of it as she could.

Faith and Buffy would occasionally go on patrol together. Each time they would get closer and closer. They're fighting had become almost synchronized. Without having to say a word they easily dispatched whichever enemies were foolish enough to attack them.

During the day they had been working on their Tai Chi together. Each time they did Faith could sense that Buffy was beginning to feel more and more free. Some of the weight and fog lifting from her burdened soul.

"Faith?"

Faith was busy getting dinner ready while Buffy helped. It had become sort of a routine with the two of them. Since Buffy still would find a way to burn water, it was agreed that Faith would handle most of the cooking.

"I wanted to apologize. For.. you know.."

"Yeah, I know. It's cool B. We're five by five. I let go of any anger I had towards you a long time ago."

"But how.. I tried to ki.." She freezes before she can get the words all the way out. She will forever be haunted by the memory of that night. The memory of sliding the knife into Faith's stomach.

"Hey, come on. It's not your fault things turned out the way they did. We were just kids, we all made mistakes. Mine were a lot worse than yours."

Buffy just shakes her head, unwilling to accept forgiveness so easily.

Faith stops what she's doing and sees the sadness in Buffy's eyes. She moves around the counter and hesitatingly wraps Buffy in a warm embrace. She's shocked when there's no resistance, no attempt by Buffy to push her away. After a few moments Buffy relaxes in Faith's arms and presses their bodies closer together. Faith smiles as she believes this means Buffy has finally released at least some of the guilt that has been weighing her down, hopefully bringing her one step closer to becoming whole again.

Things were looking up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Is it time? I think it's time!"

"Yes, I think so too. This is by far our most evil scheme."

"Doesn't it seem kinda mean? How does it really help us to do this?"

"Because, it will destroy the slayers completely. There's no coming back from this for either of them."

"It still seems mean."

"Oh just shut up!"


	5. Chapter 5

Faith is out on patrol alone, needing some time to herself. She's been really enjoying the family situation she finds herself in, but part of her still longs for solitude and freedom. She thinks back to this morning, it felt amazing to hold Buffy. To feel like she might finally be healing. Lost in her pleasant thoughts, Faith senses some humans approaching her and doesn't think much of it. That is until one of them shoots her with a dart, then she doesn't think much about anything.

She awakens to find herself restrained in a chair. She flexes against her restraints experimentally, she can tell they won't hold her, but bides her time, waiting to see who has captured her and why. Sensing only humans around her, she relaxes into the chair and waits.

"Hello there Faith." Faith looks up to see a broad shouldered man looking down on her with a ridiculous grin on his face.

Faith glares up at them. "What the hell are you doing? Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"Oh, you'll find out in just a minute sweetheart. Let's get started." He grins down at her again. Now she sees another much shorter man enter her vision. He's waving some kind of weird stick and chanting. She notices that he has kind of a sad distant look on his face, almost as if he doesn't want to be doing this.

As he finishes his chant, the two men look at her as if they're waiting for something to happen.

"Why isn't anything happening? Did you screw it up?" The larger man yells at the smaller one, who shrinks away.

"Alright, I've had enough of whatever this is." Faith breaks free of her bonds and grabs for the larger of the two men. She grabs him by the throat and lifts him a few inches off the ground. "Do you wanna tell me what's going on here? Or should i just snap your neck?"

The man somehow manages to smile, even though he's choking. "Wel.. co.. me. .. back… Faith"

"What the hell? What did you do to me!?" Faith drops him and backs away. Her legs are shaky and there is searing pain in her head.

"Relax, all we did was set you back to the way you were before." He grins at her, seemingly enjoying watching her suffer. "We sent you here to help us get rid of Buffy."

"But I'm here to help Buffy. Aren't I?" She's filled with mixed emotions, part of her remembering the last few weeks and how close she and the blonde slayer has become. The other part of her remembering that she hates Buffy. Another more buried part of her remembering how much she hates herself.

Her memories are swirling, attempting to sort themselves out. She's flooded with the memory of the night Buffy stabbed her. She can't seem to focus beyond that event. Remembering what it was like when her counterpart tried to kill her. Other memories are pushed away, the memory of waking up from the coma, the body switching, torturing Wesley, fighting with Angel, fighting with Buffy and then her time in jail. The last few weeks and growing close to Buffy and her friends, the forgiveness she's found from most of them, all those memories are fading. She tries to focus on them, so she can remember her redemption, remember what it felt like to not be filled with fear and rage.

"Didn't you wonder how you always knew what to say to them? How you were able to give comfort to others when you'd never received it yourself? We gave you that, we turned you into what they always wanted you to be. Now it's time to go back to who you really are."

"No.. no this isn't right. Why did you do this?" Faith is holding her head, the conflicting memories are tearing her apart.

"Embrace your true self and the pain will stop." The smaller man offers up.

Faith is filled with confusion and rage, she just has to get away from these idiots. Has to get out. She sees an exit and dashes for it. Sensing a third man just in time to avoid his attempt to tranq her. She emits a feral growl and leaps for the man, knocking the weapon from his hands and him to the ground. A moment later she's burst through the door and into the night.

"Well that could have gone better."

"It'll still work, the spell changed her, she will do what we need her to."

The smallest of the three men looks down and shakes his head. He's not sure why he agreed to be part of this evil plot in the first place. He had been all excited for the promise of money and power, but he didn't really want to be part of hurting anyone, especially not the slayer. Not after all she had done for him.

xxxxxxxx

She runs without thinking of where she's going. Her only thoughts were to stay away from any people, the two versions of herself warring for control. After several minutes of running she finds herself in a graveyard. Her paces slows as the slayer in her senses a vampire is near. She sees the offending vampire and launches herself at him.

"What the hell are you doing? Can't a bloke walk to his crypt without being attacked?" Spike grunts as he attempts to fend off Faith's attacks. He can tell something is wrong with her, she's almost feral with her movements. Since he can't hurt her without hurting himself, he just focussing on trying to restrain her, "Faith? What happened to you, where is Buffy?"

At hearing Buffy's name, Faith begins to calm a little. Looking up she realizes it's Spike holding her and begins to squirm, attempting to free herself. She eventually breaks free and backs away, holding her head.

"Make it stop! Make it stop! What did they do to me!?" She's yelling and crying at the same time holding her hands to her head.

Spike does his best to corral the crazed slayer into his crypt. Having no idea what to do. "Who did this to you?"

"Three humans, I don't know who they were. They said the did something to me, something to help me get close to Buffy I think. Then they did something else to make me evil again." She grabs her head and groans. "It hurts! Make it stop."

Spike does the only thing he can think of and hands her a bottle of whisky. At seeing the bottle a wry smile appears on Faith's face and she takes a large swig of it. Holding the bottle she sits down on the only chair available and waits for the warmth in her belly to reach her brain. Already beginning to feel it's calming effects.

Spike watches the transformation a little warily. He had heard stories of Faith, of all the trouble she had gotten herself into in the past. He had been surprised when he finally met her, she didn't at all seem like what he had expected. Now maybe he understands why.

"It's a lot like this bleeding chip in my head. They put a leash on me so I couldn't bite anymore. But it became more than that, I started fighting along side the same people I was trying to kill." Spike pauses looking for some kind of reaction. "Now for you maybe it's like they took the chip out."

Faith takes another generous mouthful of whisky and grimaces as it burns her throat. "What do you think you would do now if they took your chip out? Would you return to your evil ways?"

Spike takes a moment to think about it. He had been trying so hard to get the chip out, he blames it entirely for all the feelings he's been having lately. His love for Buffy, his willingness to do anything for her. It makes the demon parts of him sick that he has these feelings. He knows she'll never love him back, but he can't help himself.. She did confide in him first about heaven, and then there was the kiss. Was that because of the chip? And all the other scoobies, would he be able to hurt Dawn? He was pretty sure eating Xander or Willow wouldn't bother him, but he could never hurt Dawn or Buffy.

"No, I don't think I could turn evil again. I've grown attached to those bloody humans. And Buffy…"

"You love her don't you?" Faith gasps as she says this, the darkness in her can't believe the empathy she's showing.

Spike doesn't notice Faith's internal struggle and starts to answer. "I.."

She begins to freak out again. "I don't care if you love her! I don't care about any of the people in Sunnydale. I have to go, I have to get out of this nightmare." She turns to run out of the crypt only to be tackled to the ground by Spike.

"You can't go yet, you have to get yourself together first. Decide which part of you is real."

"But the good part of me was never real. They changed me to make me think i could be good. How can I know if any of me is good?"

"It's up to you Faith, you get to decide what kind of person you want to be."

"How do I know what to decide!? I need someone to tell me!" Faith breaks free from Spike and runs from the crypt.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"What the?!" Xander awakens abruptly to his door being crashed in.

"Xander, what was that crashing noise? Why is our door broken?"

"Faith! What are you doing here?" Xander sits up in bed, trying to understand what's happening.

"I figured you were the best one to tell me who I really am." Faith says menacingly.

"What do you mean?"

"You're the only one who didn't want to forgive me, you must have seen something, must have known the truth somehow."

"What truth, I don't know what you mean. I totally forgive you, just please don't come any closer."

Faith smiles as she approaches the bed. "Oh I'm about to get real close." She grabs Xander's arm and lifts him to standing. "Come on, let's get comfy on the couch." She tweaks his arm a little eliciting a whimper from Xander.

"I'm coming, you don't have to… "

"I think maybe I do have to. How else will I know you're being honest with me?" Without turning her attention from Xander she says "Anya, I think it's best if you stay back. I like you, I really don't want to have to hurt you. As long as your boy toy here tells the truth, this will all be over soon."

Anya backs away slowly, clutching the baseball bat to her chest, she sits down on a chair and waits.

"Ok, now let's start again." She still has a painful grip on Xander's arm and is looking directly into his eyes. "How did you know not to trust me? What did you see?"

"I don't know." He yelps as she tweaks his arm once again.

"You better figure it out fast. Last time I ask before something gets broken."

"OK, ok. .. I was just so hurt by you that I couldn't even imagine you could change. You used me, made me think there was something between us. That's all it was. I know you were never actually evil."

"Not evil?" Faith relaxes her grip and looks down. "That can't be right, I killed people. That has to make me evil."

Xander is completely shocked by what's happening and doesn't know what to say.

"You were never evil, Faith. You are just a human. A human who made some very bad choices. I know all about evil, having been a demon for over a thousand years. Xander - tell her. Tell her she isn't evil. You already told me you want to forgive her, now seems like a very good time to do that." Anya offers, her cheerfulness out of place in this dark situation.

Faith is barely listening, but she gets the gist of what Anya is saying. The part of her that wants to be good is trying to accept these words, to accept that she's not actually evil. Abruptly, she rises up and leaves without a word.

Faith runs back out into the night. Knowing that words weren't going to help her, she needed magic. Magic did this to her, that's the only thing that could fix it. She couldn't go to WIllow, there was only one other choice. She had no idea where the blonde witch would have gone after moving out though. Her only idea was to try find her on campus. There was one thing she needed to do first though.


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy is startled awake, there is pressure on her abdomen and her arms are pinned crueling to her sides under the blanket.

"Time to wake up princess." Faith whispers with menace in her voice.

"Faith? What are you doing?" Buffy is blinking rapidly trying to clear the sleep from her mind. Trying to understand why Faith would be here, why she would be pinning her to the bed. She begins to squirm attempting to free herself - then she feels something cold and hard being pressed against her cheek. She stops moving and grimaces, trying to keep her face unreadable, not wanting to spark more anger in the dark slayer.

"Do you remember when you stabbed me? I remember, I'll never be able to forget." She raises her shirt, exposing her stomach and revealing a large vertical scar. The wound is healed, but it's clear the scar will never completely fade away. Buffy's face pales at the sight.

Faith leans over bringing her face closer to Buffy's, they're faces are barely inches apart. Holding the knife to Buffy's cheek, she drags it slowly across her cheek down to her neck, pressing just enough to draw a fine line of blood.

"Faith.. what happened? I thought we were.. " Buffy halts her words as Faith squeezes her tighter and draws the blade down further, pressing it into her stomach.

"You thought we were what? Friends? You tried to kill me! You took away the only person who ever cared about me! How could we ever be friends?"

"That isn't true Faith - I ca-" Buffy's words are cut off as Faith presses the blade a little harder into Buffy's stomach through the blanket, not breaking the skin, but hard enough to cause pain. Buffy let's out a slight whimper, the the look of fear and the sound of Buffy's distress awakens something in Faith. Without another word, she leaps up and jumps out the window.

xxxxxxxxxx

Buffy's POV

Buffy can't bring herself to move after Faith leaves. _What did I do? What happened? I thought she forgave me._ While laying stationary Buffy begins to cry, quietly sobbing, trying to piece it all together. It takes several long minutes but Buffy is finally able to compose herself. _She had just forgiven me, I know she did. I could feel it. So why would she be so angry now?_

The sound of the phone ringing brings her from her thoughts.

"Hello?"

"Buffy - Faith.. She came by here. I don't know what happened, but she was.. upset." Xander trails off, not really wanting to explain. His voice jittery, still filled with shock from the visit.

"She was here too." Buffy pauses, afraid to ask. "Are you ok? Did she hurt anyone?"

Xander blows out a frustrated sigh. "We're ok, she just seemed so upset. I just wanted to let you know."

"Ok, thanks."

Each of them are torn and confused by what happened, each blaming themselves for what happened. Neither being able to understand how Faith could have changed so much in one night. As Buffy hangs up, she has a fleeting thought that this was all some bizarre twisted plan from Faith. That she tricked them all into letting her get close, only to turn on them in some sort of evil plot.

She just couldn't hold on to this as truth though. The amazing way that Faith had been so supportive, so caring, it seemed impossible to fake. Something else had to be going on, and she was going to help Faith figure it out.

xxxxxxxx

Faith runs hard and fast, distancing herself as quickly as possible from the Summers' home. She knew Buffy could find her, but didn't think she'd try. She could see the guilt and confusion in Buffy's eyes. She could see that Buffy had retreated back into her despondent shell. They had been becoming closer, Faith had begun to think of them as friends. She shook her head to try to organize her thoughts. She had to find Tara, it was ony hope of figuring out the truth of who she was.

It would be several more hours before classes started, but Faith had nowhere else to go. She she headed to UC Sunnydale to scope it out. She watched as drunk students wandered back to their dorms. She attempted to ask a few if they knew Tara, but none of them did. She noticed only women were going into one particular building so she guessed it was the girls dorm.

She wandered the halls for what seems like ages, not quite sure what she was looking for. She had no way to know if she was in the right place. She didn't even know if Tara would be staying on campus. She grunted in frustration. As she was turning a corner, her luck finally changed. She saw Tara entering one of the rooms. Faith quickly followed and opened the door.

"You should really lock your door, you never know who might lurking in these halls." She smiles as she sees Tara jump a little and turn around. Her eyes wide with fear. As she look upon Faith they somehow opened even wider, confusion began to mix with the fear as she realized who was in her room.

"F..f. . Why.."

"Let me cut you off, I need help. Magical help, and you're going to give it to me." Faith raises a finger to Tara's lips as she tries to respond. "Shhh… don't try to speak. They did something to me, changed me with magic. They want me to hurt Buffy. But I don't know.. !" Faith pauses for a moment and grabs her head wincing in pain. Then she growls and looks up grabbing the blonde witches shoulders, squeezing just a little bit more than she needed to, and pushes her back against the wall. "Fix me now!"

Tara grimaces and nods her head she gestures for Faith to sit down. She turns and starts looking through her magic books. Mostly she is just buying time as she flips through the pages without actually looking at them. She looks closely at Faith's aura, she hasn't quite seen anything like it before. There were swirls of energy seemingly fighting each other for control. It wasn't at all like what she saw when Faith switched bodies with Buffy. She could see that each of these swirls belonged to Faith, neither was an intruder.

"T-t-tell me what ha-happened."

"I don't know what happened! Some kids tranqed me and then one of them waved a stick around chanting. And now I don't know who I am. They told me they changed me, so I would know what to say get close to Buffy. Then they did something else to release the evil version of myself. And before you even start, I heard it all from Anya about how I couldn't actually be evil."

Tara wonders, she thought about what kind of spells could have helped Faith get close to Buffy. Spells could only boost skills a person already had, not create them out of nothing. Her aura would have shown something different if she had been dramatically changed. If Faith truly was evil, the spell wouldn't have worked. She didn't think she could explain this to Faith, at least not now. She did have an idea of how to restore Faith to herself, but she was going to need help.

She calmed herself as much as possible, hoping to keep her stuttering to a minimum as to not further aggravate the crazed dark slayer. "I have an i-idea. Lay back." Faith complies reluctantly, not sure why she's trusting this person she barely knows to perform magic on her.

Tara grabs a crystal from her side table and places it on Faith's forehead. She almost silently offers an incantation. When she finishes, Faith is peacefully asleep. As long as the crystal is in place, Faith will stay like this. She hopes it will buy her enough time to convince the others to help her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Buffy plans to walk with Dawn to school, not really believing that Faith would ever hurt Dawn, but not willing to take any chances. As the pair exit the house they find Tara approaching. As she gets closer she sees the look of fear on Tara's face. "Oh god, did Faith.. " No one had thought to call Tara and warn her, they couldn't imagine that Faith would have even known where to find her. "I should have warned you, I'm so sorry."

"She didn't h-hurt me."

"Do you know what happened to her? She seemed so angry when I saw her last night, and she went after Xander." Buffy didn't tell anyone exactly what happened when Faith visited her. She was too confused and guilty to really believe that Faith had returned to her old ways. She didn't want to believe Faith would actually hurt anyone. Holding her hand to her cheek, she remembered how Faith scratched her with the blade, thankful for slayer healing so she wouldn't have to explain where the wound came from.

"She said some guys used a spell on her, she didn't seem to know what the spell was meant to do. She came to me because she wanted magical help. I sorta put her in a trance, she's still in my dorm room."

"A spell? Is that why she was so.. wigged out last night?" Buffy is relieved to find there is some kind of reason for Faith's behavior. She's even more resolved to help Faith through whatever it is she's going through.

"I think the spell is confusing her, making her forget who she's become. I have an idea, but I need your help."

"My help? What can I do?"

"Faith needs a guide, an anchor. It's the only way I can think of to restore her. We also need Xander and Willow."

"Willow isn't back yet." Buffy frowns with worry.

"Can I help? I want to help" Dawn offers.

Buffy pauses, she remembers vividly what happened last night. She's not sure she can risk Dawn, not even to save Faith. "No way Dawn, it isn't safe to be near Faith right now."

"But if she needs our help, don't we have to help her? Think of all she's done for us in the past few weeks. You have to let me help!" Dawn uses her best whiney voice, hoping to get her way.

"Will she be safe?" Buffy asks Tara.

"If all goes well, she will be." Tara tries to say with confidence, but she's not actually sure how safe any of them will be.

Buffy groans, but knowing they have to try. Believing that Faith would never intentionally hurt Dawn, no matter how confused she was. "Well, let's go find Xander. I have a feeling he's going to be very hard to convince."

They head over to his apartment and are shocked to see the broken door. "Xander! Did Faith do this? What happened, why didn't you tell me she broke your door?"

Xander and Anya are seated inside. "I felt guilty, she was so wigged out when she came here. It's my fault she turned evil again isn't it? Because I wouldn't forgive her?"

"No Xander, someone put a spell on her. It wasn't your fault."

"Really? Are you sure?" A look of relief spread across his face.

"You should all stop thinking she was ever evil. It's probably not helping her confusion." Anya offers up, always willing to add her helpful comments.

Buffy and Xander exchange guilty looks. They both know it was never fair to consider Faith as being evil.

"Tara has Faith in her room, and she has a plan to fix this. Are you willing to help?"

"Of course I'll help." Xander stands up. He's so relieved that what happened to Faith isn't his fault that he forgets how upset with her he still is.

"Then let's go."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The group arrive at Tara's dorm room. Buffy enters first, wanting to be able to protect everyone in case Faith was awake. She enters to find the room empty. "Tara? She's not in here!"

The rest of the group enters, Tara sees that the crystal she used has been placed back on her side table. "Someone must have moved the crystal."

"Do you think it was whoever did this to her?" Dawn asks

"May-maybe. We have to find her. If they have her, who knows what they could be doing to her."

"We all need to stick together until we find her. We have no idea what she's capable of doing right now."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Is she awake? She should be awake by now."

Faith once again finds herself restrained in a chair. The restraints are a little stronger this time, but still not strong enough. Once again she bides her time, pretending to be asleep, hoping they'll reveal something. She could still feel her two sides warring, but neither side was happy about being captured again, they were able to unite in the desire to destroy these boys who have yet again tied her up to a chair.

"I don't know why she's not awake yet, maybe because of whatever that witch did to her."

"Let me take a look at her, if it's magical maybe I can wake her up."

"Go for it short-round."

Faith senses the smallest of the men approaching her tentatively. She feels motion around her head, and hears nonsense words being whispered. After a few moments she feels a weird warmth spreading throughout her body. She still feels confused, can feel her confused memories fighting for control. The man brings his face close to her ear and whispers. "You already know the truth, you just have to believe it."

Faith remains still, unsure what truth he means. He is the one who did this to her, so why would he be trying to help her, unless he was still trying to get her to hurt Buffy. She had to try to get them talking, if she knew their plan maybe she would be able to fix whatever they did to her.

She slowly looks up and smiles. "Hello boys." She keeps a smirk on her face, looking at the 3 boys surrounding her. Wondering how these idiots could have captured her. "How about you tell me your evil scheme so we can get it over with already. I'm sick of waking up strapped to a chair."

The largest of the three smiles. "We want you to kill Buffy."

Faith grins as she looks up at them. "Ok, how about you free me and I'll get right on that." The three of them turn away and began muttering to themselves. She could of course hear everything they were saying. But all they were doing is bickering about whether or not they could trust her. Faith takes the time to look around the space she's in. She sees toys and other geeky fantasy items all around, nothing that seems to be of any use. Then she spots a wall of computer monitors, each displaying a different area, several of the images are from the Summers' house. There's a couple in the Magic Box and even one in Tara's dorm room. She returns her gaze to the three men who are still talking. Her patience wearing thin.

"What are you three gabbing about? Don't I have some killing to do?"

"We're not sure we can trust you." The middle sized of them responds to her.

"Get in line, there's a whole mess of people not sure if they can trust me." She's beginning to get annoyed. "Look, you guys got me out of jail. You want me to kill Buffy, and I want to kill her, so what's the problem?"

Still they seem hesitant to release her.

"Ah screw it." Faith once again frees herself from the restraints. "I've got places to be." She casually walks towards the exit. Examining the area for any more clues as she goes, trying not to be obvious about it. She spots the tranquilizer gun, and picks it up, "I think I'll hold on to this, might come in handy."

The three watch her, the two smaller men look nervous, while the larger one seems over-confident and smug. She desperately wants to put him in his place, but his confidence makes her leery of attacking them now. She still isn't quite sure what they did to her, they could have done something to make her not be able to hurt them.

"See ya 'round." She says as she exits the house. Making note of the address and street before she takes off running. Now she has some decisions to make.


	7. Chapter 7

She runs aimlessly for a few minutes, not sure of where to go. She needs some time to figure out what to do next. She enters the woods and finds a tree to lean against. Just as she's beginning to relax a little, her body is wracked with spasms, a blinding pain shoots through her head. She starts to remember.

xxxxxxxxx

The past

She's back in her jail cell, sitting on her cot, leaning against the wall. Her eyes are closed and she is meditating. Her mind and body at peace as she reflects on her past. She remembers her childhood, remembers the neglect and abuse. Her mother so lost in her own haze of drunken rage that she couldn't find the time to love her only daughter. Faith's brows furrow as she remembers how it felt to not have anyone to love her.

She remembers how she behaved when she arrived in Sunnydale. How she had buried her insecurities in overconfidence. Making it seem like she didn't need anyone, keeping them at a distance, not willing to give them the chance to hurt her. Knowing that if she could go back now, things would be different, she had figured out who she was. She knew she wanted to be part of family, even if it wasn't a biological one. She hadn't completely forgiven herself for her choices, but she at least understood that they were her choices. She no longer blamed Buffy or any of the others for what she had done.

Her reverie is disturbed by a guard. "Lehane! Visitor!"

She had just seen Angel, so didn't think it would be him so soon. She couldn't imagine who else would visit her. Silently, she rose and followed the guard to the visitors area. She entered the visitors area to see two men she's never met before. "Hello Faith." The larger of the two men offers.

"Who are you?" Faith does not like the look of these men, particularly the larger one. He has a hateful gleam in his eyes that makes her nervous.

"It doesn't matter who we are. We're here to set you free."

She sits at the table across from them and looks between them in confusion.

"Ok, do it." The larger man nudges the smaller one.

The smaller man frowns and produces a packet from his pocket. He opens it and blows the contents towards Faith. She backs away from the table, tripping over the bench. Gasping and choking as she does. The guards react by pulling Faith away from the visitors area and the other visitors. Within a few moments Faith has stopped choking and has regained control of herself.

"What happened?"

The guards just look at her, not having any answers, and not really caring anyway now that their prisoner seemed to be under control.

xxxxxxxxxx

Faith gasps as she leans forward from the tree. "The little one must have restored that memory, but why would he do that?" She wonders out loud. Still very confused, but she tries to hold on to the fact that before the visit, she had felt at peace with herself. While in prison she had figured out how to be whole, how to accept the choices she made and the reasons why she made them. She wanted to believe that she really was the person she appeared to be for the past few weeks. A person who could be willing to care about others and give them the chance to care about her.

Thing were still not right, she could feel the part of her that still wanted to lash out and hurt others the way she was hurt. The darkness that she had managed to defeat while in prison was still there, still trying to force it's way out. But now she knew which side she wanted to win. She just needed a plan, Tara had said she might be able to help, so she had to get a message to her without alerting the three idiots who had done this to her.

She didn't feel like she had much time. Even though the restored memory reminded her that she wasn't evil, she could still feel the darkness inside her, fighting for control. She leans back against the tree and closes her eyes.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The slayers find themselves in front of a small cottage surrounded by a wide open meadow. There's a small garden off to one side, and another fenced in area with a few chickens wandering around. It's a gloriously sunny day, birds can be heard chirping in the distance.

"Faith? Where are we?"

"I don't know, this is your dream. You tell me." Faith shrugs and looks around. Nothing about this place is familiar, but it feels comfortable and safe.

"Are you..?"

"Homicidal? Only sometimes."

"That's not funny!"

"Wasn't meant to be." Faith pauses. "We should find this place someday, when this is is over. It feels like…. home."

"It does doesn't it." They stand side by side looking off over the meadow, enjoying the brief respite from their always chaotic lives.

Faith takes a deep breath and looks over to Buffy. "I need your help."

"Ok."

"Ok? Just like that? After everything I did?"

Buffy smiles sadly and looks up at Faith. "We know it was the spell, we all want to help you."

Faith is stunned by this, she hadn't expected Buffy to cooperate so easily, and she definitely didn't expect anyone else to. She doesn't know how much longer this will last, she wants to be sure she explains as much as she can. "The guys that did this to me - they have cameras everywhere, watching everything you do."

"What! Why are they doing this? What could they possibly want?"

"I wish I knew, I think it's mostly the main guy, the other two seem to be scared kids following orders. I kinda know what that's like." Faith pauses and frowns.

"So what can we do?" Buffy asks

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Faith had been waiting for hours, pacing around the ruins of the old high school. Wondering if this was going to work. Not even sure if the slayer dream was real, not believing they'd be so willing to help her. Fighting with herself over whether or not she should even let them try to help her. Several times she had turned to leave, deciding it would never work, that she didn't deserve their help anyway. The constant warring with herself was making her crazy, she could feel her control and sanity slipping away. Just as she was about to give up for real, she feels the familiar tingles, indicated that Buffy was approaching.

"You got my message. Are the others here?"

Buffy says nothing, just watching the dark slayer, trying to decide if she could trust her. They had all agreed to wait outside until Buffy could make sure that it would be safe. They had been staking out the area, not sure if whoever did this to Faith could be waiting for them.

Faith turns a little to reveal she's holding the tranq gun. Buffy's eyes go wide at seeing it. "No! Wait! I brought this for you, so you could knock me out." Faith quickly tosses the weapon in the direction of the blonde slayer. "I also brought those." She points to a pile of chains and shackles.

She grimaces and puts her hands to her head. "You should hurry up and restrain me, I am not sure how much longer I can control myself."

Buffy begins to slowly approach Faith. As she gets closer Faith begins to visibly tense up, it was clear she was trying to control her urge to attack, and maybe not winning the fight. Buffy steps back. "Tara, will the spell still work if she's knocked out?"

"What k-kind of knocked out?"

"There's a tranq.." Before Buffy can finish Faith has rushed across the space and pinned Buffy to the ground. Buffy quickly escapes Faith's attempt to restrain her and flips them so Buffy now has Faith pinned to the ground. "The other way is an option too."

"It's better if she's awake, bu-." Tara calls out from behind the burnt out door opening. She started to say more, to explain that she'd be able to wake her up when the time was ready. But she never got the chance.

"So the other way it is." Buffy releases her grip on Faith's hands and begins delivering a flurry of blows which Faith is mostly able to deflect. Faith is eventually able to free herself from Buffy and stand up.

"Come on, B. You don't really think you can knock me out do you?"

The pair had been sparring regularly over the past few weeks. During these sessions Buffy had always found herself holding back. She could never tell anyone, but she held back even when she was fighting demons. Whenever she would start to feel her full power release, she would be reminded of that night. The night she almost killed Faith. Faith had helped her overcome her fear of letting loose just before Faith seemed to lose her own way. Seeing the evil smirk on Faith's face - Buffy didn't think she'd be holding back any longer. She smiled and renewed her attack. Faith was able to deflect the majority of the furious blows, but more than a few significant ones made it past her defenses.

"I know I can, F." Buffy smirks.

"Come on, then. Give us a kiss."

Rage sparks in Buffy's mind at these words. Faith had picked the perfect thing to say to drive Buffy over the edge. Buffy launches herself at Faith again, several blows landing before Faith moves to defend herself. Once Faith recovers, she launches her own attack. Several kicks and punches land past Buffy's defenses. Buffy starts to come to her senses and backs away. She takes a deep breath, trying to remember why they are here, to remember that this isn't really Faith.

"Are you sure you want to do it this way? I thought you wanted our help."

Faith runs the back of her hand over her lip, grimacing when she sees blood. "Want to hurt you more." She rushes forward only to be shocked to feel a sharp pain in her chest.

Buffy turns to see Dawn holding the dart gun. "I couldn't let you do this to each other, you've come so far I didn't want to risk losing you again. Either of you." She looked down at Faith with tears forming in her eyes.

"It's ok Dawn, you did the right thing." Buffy wraps her arms around her little sister. Buffy is a ball of conflicted emotions. She's not sure why she was willing to attempt to subdue Faith by force. She thought she had let go of all the hate for Faith she had been feeling. She knows that having Faith here for the past few weeks had improved her life in many ways. She was starting to almost feel like herself again, before Glory, before she gave up. Seeing the dramatic change in Faith and upset her more than she could understand. It was like she was mad about losing something she didn't even know she wanted. She shook her head, trying to sort out her feelings. Bringing herself back to the current situation.

"Let's get her tied up." The rest of the gang enters the space. Buffy finds a sturdy metal chair and places Faith gently in it. She tests the strength of the chains and shackles and seems satisfied that they would hold. Now they wait.

"Could we take her somewhere else? This place is creepy." Anya is looking around the old burnt out library with disgust.

"This is the only place she thought they didn't have cameras." Buffy responded.

"But how can we know that is true? She might have lured us into a trap." Xander replies.

"Not a very good trap if she provided the tranq gun and restraints for herself." Anya glibly adds.

"Yeah but.." Xander stops, knowing there's nothing he can say. They won't know anything for sure until it's over.

"What's going to happen? How is this going to work?" Dawn asks Tara.

Tara looks to Buffy, she doesn't want to be the one to explain the whole situation to Dawn. Dawn doesn't know what happened to Buffy after Glory took her. She doesn't know how close Buffy came to completely giving up and letting the world end. They had agreed that Buffy would explain the details to Dawn when the time came.

Buffy sighs. "After Glory took you, I... was lost and confused. Willow had to enter my mind to help guide me back to sanity. It will be something like that. It will be more complicated since we all need to help guide Faith back to her truth. She need to know she deserves to be forgiven."

Dawn absorbs this information. She was already filled with guilt for even existing. Hearing that her sister almost lost herself scares her, but it also helps her understand part of why Buffy has been having such a hard time since she's been back. "I'm so sorry." Tears reach Dawn's eyes and she hug Buffy tightly.

"None of it was ever your fault." Buffy returns the embrace and smiles at her sister. She hadn't even realized that holding this back from Dawn was adding to her guilt.

"Are we going to have to relive what she did to us?" Xander asks trying to hide the blush from his face as he recalls what Faith did to him.

"N-no. Not exactly. Buffy will be guiding her through their shared memories, but the rest of you should think of how she made you feel then and what you feel for her now. It has to be honest, you cannot trick the spell." Tara explains.

"But, what if we aren't sure what we feel now? What if we make it worse by still hating her?"

"Do you really hate her Xander?" Dawn asks. "I mean really hate? You were just kids. None of you ever took the time to get to know her, to wonder why she acted the way she did."

Xander looks down chastised, shocked that the youngest of them could see things so clearly. "No, I don't hate her. I'm just not sure what I feel."

"It's ok if you don't know exactly how you feel, the spell will reveal the truth whether you want it to or not." Tara explains.

"Can we wake her up now?" Anya whines again, not even sure exactly why she's here. She does relate to the dark slayer, but doesn't understand why Faith is so riddled with guilt. She should just choose to do whatever makes her happiest. It was all so simple. She'd never understand humans.

"There's no point in waking her up now, we need to wait for Willow. Where is she anyway, she was supposed to be here by now." Buffy looks around in exasperation.

"I'm here! Sorry it took so long, I needed supplies and someone can't walk around in the daylight." She nods her head over her shoulder to show that Angel is following her.

"Alright, now that the gang's all here. Let's get this started so we can go home!"

"Anya!"

"What!?"

Xander just rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Tara? Can you wake her up now?"

Faith, who had been awake for quite some time decides she doesn't want any more magic done to her than necessary. "I'm awake!"

"How long have you been awake?" Buffy looks concerned, trying to think of what they might have said when they thought she was still unconscious.

"Long enough, I think. Thanks kid, for defending me. I hope it ends up being worth it." She nods at Dawn and smiles.

"Do you forgive me for shooting you?" Dawn looks down shyly, worried that she'd made things worse.

"Of course I forgive you, squirt. I know you were just protecting big sis." Faith laughs, seeing Buffy's shocked face.

"Protecting me! I was winning the fight!"

"Keep telling yourself that." Faith smirks and sits back in the chair.

Buffy sighs, looking around at her friends, embarrassed that she let Faith get under her skin again. All of them came here to help Faith, it was amazing how much they had all changed in such a short period of time.

"Can I have a moment alone with Faith before we get started?"

The group clears out giving the slayers their privacy.

"Faith, before we do this, I wanted to tell you…" Buffy pauses, looking into Faith's eyes. Trying to figure out which Faith is behind them. Is it the kind, compassionate one she's gotten to know over the last few weeks? Or is it the so-called evil one? It didn't really matter, she just hoped they were both listening.

"We haven't got all day here, spit out whatever you want to say."

Buffy laughs at her gruffness. "Of course you couldn't make this easy." Buffy approaches the restrained Faith, placing her hands on the armrests, leaning forward keeping their eyes locked. "I wanted to tell you that I wished things had gone differently when we first met. I wish I had been stronger, more in control of my feelings."

"Seems like you could use a bit less control." Faith smirks, keeping her eyes locked on the blonde slayer.

"There might be some truth to that." Buffy sighs and backs away. "These past few weeks, you've helped me in more ways than I can ever repay. I just wanted you to know that."

"Are you sure that's all you wanted me to know?"

"There might be more, but like you said - we don't have all day."

"I think we have time for this. I'm going to find out once the spell starts anyway, why not tell me now?" There is a nervous gleam in Faith's eyes, it took her a long time to figure it out. To figure out why there was always so much hurting and misunderstanding between the two of them. Why it was so easy for them to hurt each other. And now she's on the verge of knowing if Buffy had figured it out too.

"Faith, I…" She's disrupted by a the sound of something bumping into one of the burnt out book shelves. "Spike? What are you doing here? How did you find us?"

"I followed tall, dark and gloomy. Thought you could use an extra hand with Faith."

She looks down at Faith, "Well, I guess we better get this over with." She exits the library to call in the rest of the gang.

"Good timing, Spike. I suppose you're going to say that was an accident?" Faith lears up at Spike.

"Yeah, well. A vampire can be clumsy." He looks down at Faith with a grin. "What? It happens."

"Right, sure it does."

"Buffy, I thought it might be better if Angel were Faith's guide." Willow says as she enters carrying her supplies.

"No!" Both slayers say in unison.

"But he spent all that time with her in LA, helping her figure out she should fight for redemption." Willow argues, confused that they wouldn't agree to this. Willow had been worried that Buffy wasn't strong enough herself to help Faith through this. On the way from LA Angel had tried to convince her that she was wrong, that Buffy was the only one who could help Faith right now.

Buffy is thankful for the dark room which hides her blush. "It should be me. The slayer will help guide us both." She wants to say more, wants to explain how much pain and suffering they've each cause each other. This should be their chance to repair all that damage.

Willow looks between the two slayers a little confused. "Oh.. ok fine. Let me get set-up and we can get started." She takes out a few items from her bag and creates a fairly large circle around Faith with blue sand. Everyone involved in the ceremony was handed a candle and positioned themselves around Faith and waited.

"Ok, Buffy. You should sit in the circle across from Faith."

Buffy nodded and moved into position.

"Is everyone clear on what they're going to do?" Everyone in the circle nodded. "Ok, just remember to let yourself feel. No-one will know what you're thinking, not even Faith. The spell will just convert your thoughts into feelings."

"She won't know what I'm thinking?" Buffy asks before she can stop herself. Her tone just a little too disappointed. She silently begged Faith not to make a joke of some kind making it even more embarrassing. For once Faith held her tongue.

Willow didn't even notices Buffy's distress, too focused on preparing the spell. "It will be different for you. You'll be guiding Faith, so you'll be communicating directly."

"Oh, ok." Buffy replies sheepishly.

"Everyone light their candles, then I'll started the spell." Willow closes her eyes and begins quietly chanting. Tara watches on with concern, she hadn't had a chance to find out if Willow really was recovered. She did her best to trust that Angel would know if she was ready to be performing this spell.

"Stop it! Stop It!" Faith begins crying out, struggling against the restraints.

Buffy wants to go to her, but sees Tara shaking her head. "It's part of the spell, she'll be ok."

Grimacing, Buffy stays seated where she was. She closes her eyes and waits.


	8. Chapter 8

"This is not what I expected." Faith observes as she finds herself standing with Buffy in the desert. There is nothing but sand visible for miles in any direction.

"This is where I met the first slayer. Maybe that's why we're here, so you can meet her too?"

"Ma.. " Faith's words are cut off as she's tackled to the ground.

Buffy turns in shock to see the first slayer is what attacked Faith. "What are you doing? Why are you attacking her?"

"Imposter!" The first slayer backs away and points at Faith.

"No she's not, how is she an imposter?"

"You are the slayer - not her!" The feral slayer replies with fury, she begins circling Faith as she rises.

"That's ridiculous, we are both slayers. She was chosen just like I was!" Buffy is getting angry now.

Faith is standing, her hands clenched in fists at her side. Keeping her eyes on the ground. Her shame and fear in complete control now. "No B, she's right. You'll always be THE slayer, not me. I was never good enough to be the slayer."

Buffy starts to understand, before the first slayer can attack again, Buffy launches herself at Faith. Knocking her to the ground once again, this time keeping her pinned beneath her. "You're an idiot."

"Thanks, I already knew that." Faith says with defeat.

"How can you think you don't deserve to be the slayer?"

"How could I not? I could never compete with you, not in any way. My whole life I've been told I was no good, and it's true, it will always be true."

Buffy sits back on her heels and looks down at Faith, saddened by the defeat she sees in her eyes. "Faith, there isn't anything better about me than you. You make it sound like I never made a mistake, that I never got anyone else hurt."

"You never murdered anyone."

"No, but I almost did. I was ready to. It might be that the only reason I didn't is because of you. Because it became so clear to me how easy it could to let the darkness take hold of me." Tears are beginning to form in her eyes. "I really let myself see you for the first time that night. When I.. saw your blood on my hands. I realized you were just a girl, like I was. One who had experiences I couldn't possibly understand. If our lives had been switched, would I have made any different choices?"

Faith closes her eyes while she tries to let what she just heard seep in.

When the open again, they are somewhere else.

"Why are we here?" Buffy looks up at the rickety tower with terror. A hoard of crazy people are milling about at the base of the tower. Buffy can see her friends fighting with all they had, she can see Dawn at the top of the tower.

"This was my fault." Faith replies, looking up at the platform, watching Buffy and Dawn at the top. Knowing any moment Buffy would leap to her death. "If I hadn't screwed everything up, I would have been with you to fight Glory. Together things never would have gotten this far."

"If it is your fault, then it's just as much mine. I pushed you away, I was so jealous of you when you first came to Sunnydale. I never even gave you a chance."

"You were jealous of me?"

"You seemed so free and happy. Slaying was never a burden to you, like it was for me." Buffy searched Faith's eyes for some sense of understanding. "The night of the accident - before.." She trails off not wanting to fully remember the deputy mayor. "I was finally starting to feel free, starting to feel like I didn't always have to be so perfect, in such control."

"But then I screwed that up too." Faith frowns and the scene changes. Now they're in the alley, standing over the dead deputy mayor.

"This was an accident. I never blamed you for what happened."

"I blamed me, I tried to pretend like I didn't care. But I did." Faith casts her eyes down while she speaks.

Buffy approaches Faith and gently raises Faith's face until their eyes meet. "Of course you cared, you aren't and never were evil. You've always had goodness inside of you."

Faith backs away, "You can't know that. You don't know all the terrible things I've done."

"We all make mistakes." Buffy's heart is aching for Faith now, she sees the anguish Faith has been living with, trying to cope with all the damage she'd caused.

"How can you explain this mistake?" Now they are standing in the volcanologist's apartment.

Buffy's heart drops as the scene unfolds. Watching Faith charm her way into the apartment, and then stabbing the man with no hesitation and a gleeful twinkle in her eye. She had always assumed Faith killed this man, but seeing it happening was shocking.

"See? I did this! I killed him without a second thought." She stands with her arms folded over her chest with a weird smile of triumph. The scene begins to re-play.

Buffy starts to feel sick and out of her depth. She didn't have a rationalisation for this event. Couldn't find a way to justify Faith's actions.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Uh - that can't be good." Spike turns to Tara.

There had been a glowing light blue dome around those involved in the spell. Tendrils of glowing blue energy was emanating brightly from Dawn and Angel. Now dark red tendrils were flowing from Faith and Buffy, surrounding them and attempting to push back the lighter colored energy.

Tara frowns, knowing that he is right, but not sure what to do to help.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Wilow's POV

The time she spent with Angel had been amazing. He started by teaching her Tai Chi, showing her the power of her mind and body. She could feel the energy flowing around her as she moved, could feel the earth call out to her. She began to see how the slightest modifications to her energy would have long reaching effects. Understanding now that what might seem like a simple spell would cause ripples, causing potential negative effects elsewhere.

They would talk for hours, Willow explained her rationale for performing such dangerous spells. Saying her reasoning out loud helped her realize how childish and dangerous her behaviour had been. She had expected to be chastised for her choices, instead she was met with compassion and understanding. Willow began to see how her abuse of magic could have turned her dark. There would be a never ending need to have more and more power. It was a terrifying thought, but Angel helped her realize that it didn't have to be that way, that she could find harmony within herself. He also knew that she couldn't just cut herself off completely from magic, it was too much a part of her. It would only make things more dangerous for everyone.

So she learned, she read story after story of other witches and what they went through. Many had very similar struggles. Those that survived only did because they learned how to use magic properly. The less fortunate ones ended up causing significant damage before they were killed. Willow knew she didn't want to die, she knew she wanted to be a positive part of this world. She also knew it would be a constant battle with balance. She could never let herself forget the dangers of using too much magic, of letting it take over her life.

She drew parallels to her mistakes and Faith's. Faith had needed to be part of something, and the mayor gave her that. He showed her love and compassion that she likely never experienced before. It began to make sense that Faith would have done anything for him, even kill. Willow could see that the magic had changed her, that she had been willing to hurt those she loved so she could keep using magic the way she wanted. Even after what she had done, her first thought when their memories returned was to think of a spell to undo the damage she had done. If Faith hadn't brought her outside, she very well might have done something she'd never be able to come back from. This realization scared her immensely and she knew she never wanted to go back to that place.

Willow also realized that she had always resented Faith's ability to get so much attention. Like Buffy she had been jealous of how free Faith was. How comfortable in her own skin she seemed to be. Willow had never felt like that. Only when she was with Tara did she feel completely herself. She had let her addiction ruin that, she could only hope that like Faith, she could be redeemed. That she could be the person she truly wanted to be.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Xander's POV

Xander finds himself at Faith's hotel door, having just been kicked out. Holding his clothes protectively to his body, he's ashamed and confused. _How did I let this happen? I knew this was what she was like, I thought that was what I wanted. Just a one time thing. So why does it hurt so bad? Oh right, because I'm a stupid teenage boy who makes terrible decisions._

As Xander has this realization he can feel his hatred of Faith lifting. She didn't trick him, he had just thought somehow it would be different for him. That somehow he would fix whatever was broken inside her. He had believed that she would somehow listen to him since they slept together. He knows she could have easily killed him when he confronted her, but she didn't.

Xander knew how absurd this line of thinking was. He could feel his spirits lifting has he forgave her, not realizing how his hatred had been weighing him down.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Blue tendrils of energy from Willow and Xander join in with the others, their energy is starting to push back the redness. The redness is beginning to fade, it doesn't completely disappear, but begins to mix with the blue turning it a light purple. Faith is beginning to squirm in her seat, clearly in distress. Buffy reaches up and places her hands on Faith's restrained ones. The squirming settles slightly, but her face still shows clear signs of distress.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Faith! You have to stop this." Buffy grabs Faith's shoulders and looks into her eyes. "You must feel all the love and support that's being sent to you. You have to find a way to accept it."

The scene changes again, now they are in Faith's apartment. They watch as Buffy enters and shuts off the music. They watch memory Buffy and memory Faith fight each other without holding back. They watch until Buffy drives the knife into Faith's stomach. Watching has Faith backs away and falls off the roof. Each slayer watching the memories of themselves, wondering how things could have gotten to that point. How either of them could have been willing to push things so far.

"Is this any different? Does this mean I'm evil and not worthy of forgiveness? Didn't you find a way to forgive me, to help me forgive myself?"

Faith's fists clench and her face hardens. "It's not the same!"

"I think it's exactly the same. We were both doing what we thought was right at the time, what we thought we had to do."

"You were trying to save Angel - the man you loved."

"And you were doing it for the man you loved."

Faith's eyes widen, "But the mayor was a demon! I shouldn't have.."

"And what is Angel? It's possible he killed more people than the Mayor ever did. You have to find a way to forgive yourself."

Faith wants to dispute the logic, wants to keep fighting with herself for control. The scene changes again.

"And what about this?" They're still in the apartment the Mayor setup for Faith, but now boxes are strewn about with Faith's possessions carelessly tossed in them. "You gave me the clue to help us defeat the mayor. You had no reason to do that."

Faith only shrugs. "This was just a dream, who knows if it was even actually me who said those things."

They're at the Bronze now. This is the first time Buffy saw Faith. Faith is dancing in a crowd of boys. Her movements are free and graceful. The two slayers watch the memory Buffy staring at the memory Faith. They can see the mixture of desire and confusion her face. As the scene progressed the desire and confusion became jealousy and fear.

"I wish I had been stronger then. If I wasn't so childish and afraid, things could have been.. different between us."

"I thought this was supposed to be my guilt trip - not yours."

"Maybe it's both of ours." They're transported back to Faith's apartment. Buffy looks around with remorse at the broken furniture and windows.

Faith sighs, still trying to piece it all together. "Do you really think it would have made a difference? I was so angry and lost then, I don't think I could have accepted you."

"Maybe you're right, we can't change the past anyway." Buffy sighs and looks away, afraid to ask her question. "But what about now?"

"I don't know, B. I'm still so screwed up, and we still don't know what was done to me. The past few weeks were all a trick. I should have realized that none of that was me. I'm not that person. "

"But you are that person, Tara explained to me that they couldn't have changed you that drastically. They could only have enhanced the goodness you already had inside of you. Everything you said and did was you, just boosted a little."

Faith raises an eyebrow. "Seems like someone could have told me that before."

"Would you have listened?"

"No probably not." Faith shakes her head, "So now what do we do?"

"I don't know, how do you feel? Do you feel.. like yourself?"

"I no longer feel like I'm at war with myself. There will always be regret and guilt, but I think I'm in control now."

"Is there anything else?"

"I feel… confused."

Buffy frowns at this. "Confused about what?"

"You."

"What about me?" Buffy is afraid to look at Faith, her arms crossed protectively over her stomach.

"You were going to tell me something earlier, before Spike showed up."

"Oh right, that… I uh.. "

"Don't hold back now. We may never get out of here without you telling me whatever it was."

"It's not so bad in here." Buffy smiles. "Maybe we could figure out how to bring ourselves somewhere more fun."

"Pretty sure that's not the way this works."

Buffy takes a breath, gathering her strength. "Ever since that first time I saw you.. I wanted…" She looks into Faith's eyes and freezes up again.

"Wanted what?" Faith asks, having no mercy. Wanting Buffy to free herself, to lose control even if just for a moment.

"You know what, maybe you are evil after all." Buffy backs away and turns from Faith again.

"No one can see us in here, B. Let yourself feel." Faith smirks and waits. Eventually her patience wears out. "Would it help you to know that I also wanted…." Faith walks forward approaching Buffy slowly.

Buffy turns to face Faith. Their faces are mere inches apart, their breath intermingling in the space between. They each lean forward slowly and as their lips meet the swirling energy around the dome expands with bright blue energy and they are released from the dream state of the spell. Faith chained to the chair with Buffy kneeling before her holding her hands.

"Faith?"

"Yeah, B. I'm five by five." Faith smiles looking around the room. Amazed that all of these people were willing to help her after everything she had done. No longer did she feel afraid that they would hurt her, that they were just being nice out of pity - or because they wanted something from her.

Buffy begins to undo the restraints. "Are you ever going to tell me what that means?"

Faith smiles at her and winks. "Maybe someday."

"Are you sure she's ok now?" Anya asks. Having not been part of the spell, she couldn't feel what everyone else did.

"We're sure." Willow offers up confidently.

"Am I disturbing something here?" A large man enters the burnt out library.

"Who are you?"

"This is one of the brain trust that did this to me." Faith says with a scowl.

"That's right. And I have to say I'm pretty disappointed in you Faith. We gave you everything you needed to take out your sworn enemy, and instead you betray us!"

"It's not my fault your evil plan didn't work out." Faith replies, now that her restraints are gone she stands, weighing her options. She still didn't know if they had done something to prevent her from hurting them, so she didn't want to risk just attacking. Plus he was a human, so she didn't think she could allow herself to hurt them anyway. "Where are your little minions?"

Buffy took a threatening step towards the man, but as soon as she did he pulled a gun from behind his back. Buffy quickly halted her movements.

"Boys!" The other two men stumble into the library each of them awkwardly holding handguns. Neither seemed too comfortable with the situation.

"Guns? You brought guns into a school! Do you know how much trouble you can get into for that?" Buffy jokes, trying to buy some time and hopefully distract the ringleader. She noted Angel had managed to back into the shadows, she could only hope he had some kind of plan. She looks closer at one of the men. "Jonathon? What are you doing here?"

"Hey Buffy.. sorry about all this." Jonathan replies weakly.

"Don't apologize to her! You are evil now, try to deal with it." The ringleader shouts back, he's beginning to shake with frustration.

"You're too late, we undid your spell. Faith would never hurt us now." Willow steps forward, to put herself between the men and Tara.

"I think we're right on time." His grin is confident and unsettling. "It's going to be so much sweeter now that you're all such good friends."

"So what are you going to do now? Just shoot us? That's pretty lame." Xander shouts, positioning himself in front of Anya.

"Shut up!"

"Nice come back, did you come up with that all on your own? " Buffy narrows her eyes, suddenly recognizing him. "Hey aren't you the guy who built that robot girl? Warren something? I guess you really didn't learn anything from that little adventure." Buffy is fuming now, why would these humans be doing such terrible things. She was used to fighting demons, she could understand the simplicity in that - good vs evil. But these humans made no sense to her, why would they want to cause so much harm?

"Bitch! Didn't I just say to shut up!?" Warren points his gun directly at Buffy. Faith seeing this, moves to stand in front of her.

"You have serious issues with women don't you?" Faith taunts the man, wishing she had taken him out earlier.

"And creativity." Buffy chimes in.

Warren moves closer, still pointing the weapon at the slayers, each were jockeying for position in front of the other. As he moves, there is a commotion behind him, where his two cohorts were standing. Angel has easily knocked them both out and disabled their weapons. As Warren turns to see this Faith leaps forward and knocks the gun from his hand. Unfortunately, the weapon discharges as she does and the bullet screams forward, colliding with Buffy's chest.

Faith's world stops as she sees the blood spreading across Buffy's shirt. Buffy's eyes open wide with shock as she falls to the ground. With everyone's attention on Buffy. Warren takes the opportunity to escape, he grabs the gun as he flees spraying several more bullets as he runs. His shots are chaotic and mostly miss any targets. A few hit Angel as he moves to jump in the path, protecting the others. Spike also takes a hit as he jumps protectively in front of Dawn. One critical bullet hits Jonathan right between the eyes, killing him instantly. In the chaos, no one notices this or the third man scrambling to his feet and escaping through the burnt opening.

"Save her!" Faith screams to Willow and Tara who finally begin moving once the shooting stops. Buffy is still breathing, but she's not responsive. Willow looks to Angel who only nods.

Willow and Tara position themselves on either side of Buffy, holding hands above the wound. They being chanting rhythmically. Faith is crying, holding her hand on the wound, hoping to stop the bleeding. "You can't take her away from me, not now. Not after we've both come so far." Angel, Xander and Dawn each place a hand on Faith, hoping to lend her strength and comfort. Not fully understanding the depth of her pain, but each feeling their own fear and terror.

As the chanting continues, Faith can feel a change under her fingers. She lifts her hand from the wound to see the bullet rise from Buffy, the skin below it beginning to heal. The witches stop their chanting and back away. Faith holds Buffy in her arms and waits. Calling to her with all she has, begging to the slayer to save Buffy, to save them both. "Come back, you have to come back."


	9. Chapter 9

Buffy's POV

Ever since she had been brought back, all she had wanted was to understand why. _Why am I here? Why is everything so cold and hard? Why don't I care about what's happening around me? I was free, it was over. I would never have to fight or feel pain again._ If she's honest with herself some of these feelings started before her resurrection. The sense of hopelessness, the fear that her life would be a never-ending battle without any hope of real happiness.

Now as she lay on the burnt out floor of the library clinging to life, she was even more confused. _How could it have been Faith who saved me? Faith of all people who would have been able to bring me back to life._ When they saw each other in LA before Faith went to jail, Buffy could see the agony Faith was experiencing. But she wouldn't let herself believe it was real. Even when Faith turned herself in Buffy still felt part of it was a ploy. _Why did I waste so much time hating her? We should have been friends. If I could have taken the time to understand her, things would have been so much better for both of us._

She hears the chanting and feels Faith's hands press against her chest. She wants to look at Faith, wants something to make sense again, but even though her eyes are open, she can't see. Instead she begins feels warmth embracing her. All pain and fear leaving her body as she suddenly feels free of all the stress and pressures she's had to endure in her short life. At first she is relieved to think it's over, that she's getting her ultimate reward. As she reflects on the past few weeks and all she's been through, something starts to change. _I don't want to die. I want to live, I need to be part of this world for Dawn, for my friends - for Faith._

It takes several long minutes, but she starts to realize the warmth and comfort she feels is not what what she had originally thought. It was Faith. Faith who is holding her and calling for her to come back. Buffy smiles as she looks up at the dark slayer. Seeing her eyes are tightly closed as she rocks and calls for her. Slowly Buffy raises her hand to Faith's cheek, and softly calls out. "Faith?"

"Buffy!" Faith pulls Buffy even closer, holding her tight to her chest.

Everyone in the room releases the breath they didn't know they were holding. They were all frozen to their spots watching the slayers, captivated by the intimate moment. Only Tara could see their auras swirling around each other as if they were dancing. As the swirls intermingled the power of each increased, as if their joining made each of them greater and stronger. Tara smiled as she watched the display, moving closer to Willow as she did so.

Faith and Buffy stared into each other's eyes, searching, hoping. Each of them knew there were going to be struggles ahead. Life as a slayer will always be a struggle. They smiled as they realized that they would finally have someone to truly share their lives with. Their thoughts are disturbed as the sound of sirens break the silence. Both slayers groan slightly as Buffy rises to standing. She was not ready to leave Faith's comfort, and Faith had not been ready to let her go. As Buffy rises, she spots Jonathan. "Oh no!" She goes to him to see that he is clearly dead.

Shaking her head with sadness she rises again. "Some of us should stay for the cops. We can explain that Warren did this, they can take care of him. Spike, Angel you two better take off." She nods to the massive hole in the ceiling and the ever lightening sky.

"How are we going to explain what we were doing here?" Xander asks.

"You'll probably want to hide those." Anya says - pointing to the chair and restraints. Buffy looks to the restraints and gets an idea. Faith's wrists show significant bruising from them, she knows they won't be there long, but for now they'll help prove their story.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Warren and the third man were arrested almost immediately. They hadn't had time to get very far after Faith and Buffy explained their version of what had happened. Warren still had the gun that he killed Jonathan with in his possession when the police found him. No amount of attempting to explain that he didn't kidnap Faith or shackle her to a chair would convince the cops that he was innocent. Especially, not once their lair had been raided. Between all the plans they had left out, spoils from their robberies and the surveillance equipment, there wasn't much hope for them escaping conviction.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The slayers finally returned home after hours of talking with the police. The detectives were excited to have a human crime they could investigate, so they were very thorough with their questions. They had allowed Willow and Dawn to give their statements first, so they were already home and sleeping. Buffy and Faith were exhausted, the ordeal of the spell and then having to explain everything to police was more mentally draining than any demon fighting could be.

"I think I'm going to sleep for 2 days." Faith says as they enter the Summers' home.

"Yeah." Buffy replies quietly. She was completely drained. Reliving those terrible memories had managed to heal Faith, but it seemed to have the opposite effect on Buffy. Probably because Faith had dealt with most of the memories already, but Buffy never had.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just tired."

Faith could see the look of despondency back in Buffy's eyes, could see she was hurting.

"It's just…" She couldn't finish, she was just so tired. Tired in her soul. When she was laying on the floor dying, she had decided she wanted to live, but she had forgotten how hard it was to live. Fighting to save Faith had given her a purpose, but now that Faith was safe, she felt lost again.

Faith frowned, having some idea of what Buffy was struggling with, but not sure how to help her. "Let's just get some sleep, Ok?"

"Yeah, Ok." Buffy starts to head upstairs and pauses. "Will you..?"

"You want me to stay with you for a while?"

Buffy only nodded in reply.

"Of course, be right up." Faith went into the basement to change before heading upstairs. The door was left slightly open and Buffy was curled up under the covers. Faith slid in beside her and tried to relax. Even though she was completely exhausted, she felt kind of amazing. She had never had anyone care about her or do as much for her as the scooby gang had done. She knew without a doubt that these people truly cared about her, and she was determined not to let them down.

"You're smiling."

Faith was startled out of her thoughts, not realizing that Buffy was still awake and watching her.

"Yeah, is that OK?" Faith replied gently, while turning to look over at Buffy.

Buffy didn't reply, just continued to stare with blank expression. The expression shot daggers into Faith. She felt terrible for feeling anything good when her friend was suffering so much.

"What you did last night, it was the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me." Faith finally says. Wanting to find some way to bring light back into the blonde slayer's empty eyes.

"I couldn't just abandon you."

"But you could have, you could have called the cops or the council and been done with me. Instead you saved me." She's sitting up a little, holding Buffy's gaze.

After a few moments Buffy breaks the eye contact and rolls over. Faith lays back down and closes her eyes. She waits until she can hear Buffy's breathing slow and then she begins to fall asleep herself.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You have to forgive yourself."

"Mom?" Buffy finds herself in front of the cottage she and Faith had dreamed about before. Her mother stands before her, with a look only mother's can give. It's both disapproving and full of love at the same time. "Do you know what this place is?"

"It could be your future, if you let it."

"My future?"

"Yes, Buffy. Believe it or not, you have a chance at a future."

"I'm going to go with... not." Buffy pauses and takes a deep breath. "I do like it here though. It's peaceful."

Buffy's mother shakes her head and sighs. "Bad things are on their way, you have to be ready."

"That's not the kind of news that's going to cheer me up or get me to believe in this amazing future you say could be mine.." Buffy frowns and folds her arms over her chest.

"I'm not here to cheer you up. No one blames you for feeling sad and lost. You've been through a lot. You're allowed to feel those things. What you're not allowed to do is give up. You have to be strong. The world needs you."

"Does it need me? Faith is here now, and Willow is getting more and more powerful. Seems like they can handle whatever badness is coming."

"They can't, not without you. They need your strength and heart and you need theirs. It's the only way."

"It's not fair."

"No, it's not. But that's life. And you have to live. You have to let yourself love and be loved."

"I'm not sure I know how."

"Of course you do. You are full of love, and you are surrounded by it. Let yourself feel it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Buffy wakes up to find herself curled into Faith's side. Surprised to find herself in this position, she tries to stay relaxed. Faith is still asleep, and she's warm. Buffy lets herself enjoy the warmth and comfort as she drifts back to sleep.

The slayers manage to sleep until the next morning when the sounds and smells of food being prepared finally woke them up.

"Hey."

"Hey." Faith looks down at Buffy who was still curled into her side.

"Hmm.. something smells good." Buffy turns away from Faith and stretches as she gets out of bed.

Faith watches her carefully as she moves around the room. There seems to be a lightness to her movements that had been missing. Faith smiled as she watched her, she knew it was going to take more than sleep to restore Buffy, but there was hope now.

"You're smiling again."

"Yep, you better get used to it." Faith winks as she hops out of bed and heads out of the room. "See you downstairs."

"Faith? Thanks for staying with me last night."

"Anytime. Your room is a pretty big step-up from the basement cot."

"Oh.. sorry about that." Buffy felt terrible for never considering before that Faith had been sleeping in the basement all this time.

"No worries, B. It's definitely not the worse place I ever slept. And plus - no bars. I've got no complaints."

"Right, OK. Well I'll see you downstairs in a few minutes."

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Several weeks pass without major incident, the slayers had become almost inseparable. Often after patrolling they would either pass out on the couch together or Faith would end up staying in Buffy's room with her. There would still be times when Buffy would fall back into her despair, but those times were less and less frequent. She had begun taking an interest in Dawn's life again, which Dawn both hated and loved.

The scooby gang was closer than they had ever been. Through the spell, they had not only gained a better understanding of Faith, but also of themselves. This helped them all to be more honest with each other. Instead of hiding their insecurities they would actually talk about them.

Willow had tried several times to get details out of either slayer on what happened to them during the spell. She could tell that something had changed between them since that night, but neither of them would talk about what had happened. She knew they had deeper feelings for each other now, and was disappointed that Buffy wasn't able to talk to her about it. Willow didn't really understand how afraid Buffy was to love and be loved.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"We should go out!" Willow offers up excitedly.

Faith and Buffy look up from their comfy position on the couch. "Out, like where?" Buffy grumbled in response.

"There's really only one place to go, we should go to the Bronze. I'll call Xander and Tara. It'll be great!" Everyone has been waiting for the slayers to admit what they were doing. Willow was pretty sure that Buffy was just in denial, and couldn't even admit it to herself. She hoped a night of dancing would help spark something. "Dawn is out with her friends, there's no big bad evil lurking. It's time to go do something fun!"

"Yeah, B. It does sound fun." Faith smirks at a pouting Buffy.

"Fine. I guess." Buffy couldn't say why she didn't want to go. Couldn't admit that she was afraid of what might happen if they did. Even after the dream kiss the slayers had briefly shared, Buffy wouldn't let herself accept that she felt something romantic for Faith. She only knew that she felt better when the dark slayer was around.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So what are you two doing? Are you dating now?" Anya asks, everyone around the table gasps.

"Anya!" Willow and Xander both call out at the same time.

Anya just shrugs "Everyone wants to know, but they're too afraid to ask."

Faith leans back in her chair. Waiting to see how deep the shade of red Buffy will turn will be. She's surprised when she looks over and Buffy doesn't seem embarrassed at all, she seems startled, like the thought hadn't even occurred to her. Buffy looks over at Faith, waiting for a snarky comment of some kind. "What? Why would you think that?" Buffy looks back to her friends confused. They only shook their heads at the denial Buffy seemed to be in.

Faith hadn't wanted to push the subject of what their relationship was. She knew what she wanted, but she had to wait for Buffy to figure it out. Faith understood Buffy's history with relationships, she knew that Buffy was sure that she wasn't meant to have love. Faith had lived most of her life believing she would never have love, but after everything that had happened she had begun to feel differently. She began to think it was time to accept that love was possible. She decided it was time to see if she could give Buffy a little push.

"I'm going to go dancing." She winks at Buffy as she leaves.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Buffy's POV

Buffy watches Faith saunter off to the dance floor, watching her lithe body begin to sway to the music. _Oh no, bad Buffy, shouldn't be staring. Must stop staring. Don't want to, though._ She continues to stare, then she notices Faith is staring back. _Maybe it's not bad to be staring? Maybe it's good? Should I go over there? She's looking at me like she wants me to go dance with her. Am I ready for dancing? Does being ready for dancing mean being ready for other things?_ Buffy is making herself wiggy analyzing every last thing.

"Will you go over there already? You're driving us all crazy!" Xander finally loses his patience watching Buffy drool over Faith.

"Xander!" Anya laughs, finally being the one to chastise him for saying what they're all thinking.

"What? How am I driving you guys crazy?" Buffy truly is shocked to realize everyone is staring at her. _Do I have feelings for Faith? How is it that everyone else seems to know but me?_ She looks back over at Faith and finally starts to accept when everyone else seems to know.

Her entire body fills with warmth as she approaches Faith. She didn't even realize how good it felt just to be near the rogue slayer, it was like their essences called out to each other and brought comfort. Buffy let go of all her fear and guilt and just let the energy from Faith wash over as they danced. Their bodies moving in perfect synchronicity. Everything else faded away as Buffy finally let hers fear and guilt go.

Faith pulls Buffy close to her, their bodies pressed tightly together. She leans in and whispers "Are you ready to get out of here?"

Buffy inhales deeply, loving the feel of Faith's breath on her ear. She simply nods and leads Faith out of the Bronze. Their friends all but forgotten. The slayers practically sprint home, not wanting to wait another moment.

As soon as the enter the house Faith pulls Buffy into a tight embrace, kissing her deeply. Buffy reacts by hopping up and wrapping her legs around Faith's waist. Faith quickly carries the smaller slayer upstairs and into her bedroom. She carefully places Buffy on the bed and crawls on top of her. Pressing their bodies together and looking deep into Buffy's eyes. Slowly she begins placing a gentle kiss on Buffy's lips. Buffy moans at the contact and parts her lips to deepen the kiss.

She places her hands on Faith's hips and slowly slides them under her shirt to feel the smooth skin. Their bodies are humming with desire.

"Faith?"

"Hmmm?" Faith mumbles while placing gentle kisses along Buffy's neck.

"I want you to know - this means something to me. Being with you, it's not just…"

Faith looks up and starts to roll away, Buffy holds her in place with her legs. "No, no. Don't move. I just need you to know this isn't about lust. This isn't because I want anything from you."

"I know B. I can feel it too." Faith closes her eyes, starting to feel scared now. "I've always felt it."

"Always.."

"Since I first saw you. I always felt like I was more around you."

"More…?"

"More everything, like you were part of me somehow. It's hard to explain, though maybe you feel it now?"

"I do. I think I always felt it too, I was just too afraid to admit it, even to myself."

"And I was too angry. I never would have trusted you then. I was too sure I wasn't good enough for anyone to actually care about me."

The slayers are silent for a few moments, looking into each others eyes and enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed tightly together.

"I've never.." Buffy pauses suddenly feeling nervous and shy.

"You're going to have to learn how to finish a sentence someday." Faith smiles and brushes a stray lock of hair off of Buffy's face. "I've never either."

Buffy raises an eyebrow at this unexpected information. A wicked little smile grows on her face and in one smooth motion she pulls Faith's shirt up over her head and flips them over so she is now in control. "I guess we'll figure this out together."


End file.
